There are two different experiences, both called “Big Brother”.

One is the television show Big Brother, as the CBS producers present it to broadcast tv audiences, three times per week. But the other is what is actually going on in the Big Brother house; the experience of the house guests, unfiltered — or at least less filtered — by television editors.

Fetchland presents Ruining Big Brother. It’s less “spoiling” Big Brother and more pulling back the curtain, to ruin our collective illusions about reality television. Enjoy! Or better yet, recoil in horror

Daily BB House Stats:
HOH – Nicole
HOH Nominated – Jozea, Paulie
Roadkill Comp Winner – Frank
RK Nominated – Bridgette
Veto Winner – Paul

Have-Nots – currently none
Punishment Status – Bridgette, Frank, Michelle, Paulie wear nudie pixel suits

Team Unicorn is safe for first 2 evictions
Corey, Tiffany are safe for 2nd eviction

Team Big Sister: Da’vonne, Paul, Zakiyah, Jozea
Team Category 4: Frank, Michelle, Paulie, Bridgette
Team Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany
Team Unicorn: James, Natalie, Victor, Bronte

Yes, there was a TV show June 29th, but it mostly covered old ground with a few exceptions. The REAL story for this day circled back to Bronte’s lie about James. Basically saying he told Natalie that Victor asked Nicole out. There was also a tiny Tiffany drama later on (technically on the 30th because after midnight – but why quibble?). We know James never told Natalie anything of the kind but the crazy thing we found out June 29th is that indeed, Victor did ask Nicole out. That part, the hardest part to believe, WASN’T a lie. It’s just like the telenovela Natalie joked about the house becoming and it features the two houseguests who actually look like they could star in a telenovela – Natalie and Victor. Game on, bros! Turns out James didn’t tell Natalie but he DID tell Bronte and Bridgette about Victor asking out Nicole. When Nicole confronts him about his big mouth, James says he was simply driving a wedge between the newbies. Nicole doesn’t like this strategy, though because now she might be a target for Victor if it comes out that she told someone about his proposition.

8Pack

8Pack discusses how Victor hit on Nicole

So, about tonight’s episode, we’re pretty much only going to cover subjects Fetchland didn’t already cover. The TV episode shows a lot of funny stuff on June 29th. In the doggie-themed veto competition houseguests need to circle on sit n’spin type twisters fifteen times then stack treats in a precarious balanced formation while still in their dizzy state. Nicole is hilarious in her seemingly drunken attempts. Jozea handles the spinning OK and Da’vonne is also playing quite well until her stack of treats falls while Jozea’s teeters. Meanwhile Paul and Paulie are neck and neck until Paul quickly wins it all. This, of course gives Jozea even more confidence. Then we see Jozea telling Frank how he’s the glue holding the house together and the messiah. Although we already knew these things, it’s good to note that the TV viewing audience now also knows about Jozea’s grand delusions. Later in the diary room Jozea starts his next sentence with, “As leader of this house…” before leading the “secret” meeting everyone knows about.

Jozea-Paulie

only one brain but ALL the delusions

Meanwhile James ends up crashing the secret meeting by just sitting there in the open and it’s freaking hilarious to watch how oblivious Jozea is to the significance of this. Mama Day bites the inside of her cheeks so as not to laugh at Jozea in his dog costume being so serious while preaching at the meeting. She says, “You’re making dogs look bad,” about it in the diary room later. Jozea asks where Bridgette is during his sacred secret meeting and Bronte tells the group she’s spying on the HOH room to see what happens in their absence. Later in the kitchen when Paulie flat out asks Jozea to his face why he wasn’t invited to the house meeting, Jozea responds that “We run this house, we run this house and that’s it,” and he should be able to hold any meetings he wants anytime he wants. Period. It’s impressive that Paulie keeps his cool through Jozea’s eerie self-aggrandizing non-answer, we imagine it could be a challenge to keep one’s head from exploding.

But let’s get back to the real stuff; the June 29th feeds. At the end of the evening the 8Pack sit around HOH chatting happily when Paula and Natalie come up to show them the funky fun makeup they did on each other. Afterwards it occurs to Paul that Zak and Day are up there with those six guys “on the other side” an awful lot. He mentions it to Jozea, concerned and, of course, Jozea remains confident still. He says they can trust Day and Zak 100% because they “don’t want caucasians to win this game”.

natalie

Natalie finds out the truth

A bit later Frank tells Natalie (still in the funky make up Paul put on her) in the kitchen that “Whether it’s game or not, the story you were told was a lie is NOT a lie”. Then Natalie says it’s the lie that bothers her, not if Victor asked Nicole out or not. Frank tells her it’s been said by that team many times that “girls are expendable in this game,” and asks her if she thinks James is that malicious a guy to lie like that. Does he seem like it? Natalie says he really doesn’t. Then she promises not to tell anyone Frank told her.

Right on cue Nicole comes in the kitchen where they’re sitting at the counter and munches on a bowl of dry Apple Jacks. Franks says to Natalie, “Ask her,” and Nicole does, telling the entire scenario to Natalie in a kind/gentle way, of course. So, the whole story’s now out. Frank is positively gleeful. Just then Victor comes into the kitchen and sticks his hand right into Nicole’s Apple Jacks to help himself to a few crunches. It’s comedy gold. When Victor walks out of the kitchen we can see his back as he departs and Nicole’s squirming and giggling caps the scene off perfectly.

tiffany

It’s because I’m so rational!

In other night-time news, Tiffany lost her cool with Frank and cried then got upset with herself because she got emotional and “everybody will see it on the feeds”. Yawn. Slutever, Tiffany. It was funny though, when she kept insisting how rational she is and that this is what drives Frank “crazy” – her being so rational. She said it all looking like this:

– Katherine Recap

South Will Rise Again

[For Preacher “South Will Rise Again” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

AMC Summary:
South Will Rise Again. After his stunt with Quinncannon, Jesse is Annville’s newest rock star; and Tulip and Cassidy connect. Meanwhile, the Cowboy makes a tragic decision.

“The Preacher has powers…”

This episode was directed by Executive Producer Michael Slovis, who also did some great work on Breaking Bad. So it’s not surprising that this episode was probably the most structurally sound episode of the series so far.

Halfway through the season is usually when a show needs to really start honing in on its direction and start the heading down the runway towards the finale. In the “South Will Rise Again”, they helped build off the momentum of last week’s episode, while also bringing a little more light onto some other storylines, and further tying together some of the supporting cast.

Last week Jesse came to grips with his power and put a plan into place to use it. He made a bet with Quinncannon to get him to show up to Sunday service, knowing he had an ace up his sleeve. By converting the town’s most powerful curmudgeon, he not only would gain a powerful ally in his quest to “save” the town, but he’d also inspire his congregation, and the rest of Annville, into his abilities as a “preacher”.

His plan seemed to have worked. Not only did Quinncannon apparently see the light, but word of the service spread around town, and Jesse became a local celebrity (a veritable Dr. Phil). It was cool seeing Jesse finally own his newfound powers; however it was obvious that he was flying too close to the sun. In the last episode, it looked like Jesse would be very calculated with his powers, perhaps understanding that compelling someone to do good isn’t the same as helping them understand why doing good was correct. But in this episode we see that Jesse really doesn’t understand the scope or weight of his actions, seemingly using them on trivial things like convincing a man to “be patient”. In retrospect I can understand Jesse not realizing how dangerous this could be. From his perspective he probably just thinks he’s making people see the light. He isn’t aware, like we are, that his “suggestions” can actually have devastating consequences (like in episode 1 when a former member of his congregation literally rips his heart out in front of his mother because Jesse said to “share his heart with her”).

Despite things seemingly going well for Jesse, the final ten minutes of the episode contain two scenes that change all that. The first being with Quinncannon and his meeting with the mayor and the clean energy outfit out of Austin. Throughout the episode we are led to believe that Jesse’s suggestion of “serve God” has taken hold of him, and Jackie Earl Haley does a great job turning around the tenor of the character into a charming and delightful man who realizes the error of his ways. However the meeting quickly turns Tarantino-esque as Quinncannon pulls out a shotgun and mows everyone down. Now it’s not clear, but you get the sense that Quinncannon didn’t just resort to his old ways, because even before the suggestion it’s not like we were given any indication he was a homicidal maniac. In fact, the calm in which he performed the act suggested that he still felt he was “serving God” somehow, and this is yet another devastating repercussion of Jesse’s gift.

The second scene was between Jesse and the two angels, how with the help of Sheriff Root, tracked Jesse down in the diner. While he seemed skeptical at first, it was clear to Jesse at the end that these two knew more than he did about his own powers. And more importantly, that the “gift” he believed was God speaking through him, was in fact, something else. It’ll be interesting to see how Jesse behaves now: Will he continue to believe that this was not some accident, but rather God’s will and he has to remain true to his purpose? Or will this discovery, along with some other repercussions of his suggestions coming to light, send him on a downward spiral back to his old violent ways?

I know Tulip will likely be rooting for the latter, as we finally got a glimpse to her real feelings for Jesse in this episode. It was obvious that she and Jesse had a relationship in the past, and that she still cared for him, but when she talked to Cassidy about her “boyfriend” it was very poignant. However given how she keeps referencing Carlos, and how she wants revenge for what he did, I wonder how much of her is actually in love with Jesse as opposed to just wanting him to have the same vengeful feelings she does. Perhaps she’s just resentful that Jesse can seemingly move on from that betrayal so easily and find peace, without her. Either way, Cassidy wants Tulip, Tulip wants Jesse, and Jesse wants to save the world.

A few more key thoughts:

  • Much like episode 2, this episode opens with the unnamed cowboy riding into Ratwater, although this time we’re given a little bit more back story. We learn that he fought in Gettysburg, and he didn’t get back in time with the medicine and the girl and woman who dispatched him in the first place died. I still don’t know what his purpose is in the grand scheme of things, but the next time we see him I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be getting his kill on
  • Poor Donnie. He’s had his arm broken, has an unrewarding job at Quincannon Meat & Power, and he can’t even take a sick day because his wife threatens to sleep with one of his co-workers if he doesn’t get out of bed. On the plus side, he’s starting to piece together that Jesse has powers
  • Speaking of poor souls, what about Arseface? Some kids broke into his room and left a shotgun with a message “Finish the Job” (and I have to say, that’s a pretty expensive prank considering shotguns aren’t cheap). Then his dad not only ruins the omelet he made for him, but agrees that he probably should kill himself! Jesse improved his day by roughly 10% by forcing the mother of coma girl to forgive and hug him, but still, rough week


-Osyp Lebedowicz

There are two different experiences, both called “Big Brother”.

One is the television show Big Brother, as the CBS producers present it to broadcast tv audiences, three times per week. But the other is what is actually going on in the Big Brother house; the experience of the house guests, unfiltered — or at least less filtered — by television editors.

Fetchland presents Ruining Big Brother. It’s less “spoiling” Big Brother and more pulling back the curtain, to ruin our collective illusions about reality television. Enjoy! Or better yet, recoil in horror

Daily BB House Stats:
HOH – Nicole
HOH Nominated – Jozea, Paulie
Roadkill Comp Winner – Frank
RK Nominated – Bridgette
Veto Winner – Paul

Have-Nots – currently none
Punishment Status – Bridgette, Frank, Michelle, Paulie wear nudie pixel suits

Team Unicorn is safe for first 2 evictions
Corey, Tiffany are safe for 2nd eviction

Team Big Sister: Da’vonne, Paul, Zakiyah, Jozea
Team Category 4: Frank, Michelle, Paulie, Bridgette
Team Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany
Team Unicorn: James, Natalie, Victor, Bronte

Frank was very funny on the 28th, with laugh out loud one liners many many times. For instance, during an afternoon “Thursday vote” chat someone mentions how they’re worried about __ throwing a crazy vote in the mix on eviction night. Frank slipped in, “I know if there’s some crazy vote you know it was either her or me.” After that he’s the one who figures out why Team Unicorn got the anti-slip shoes while the other teams didn’t. In fact, Frank doesn’t even have to think about it for a second. Meanwhile everyone else was composing wild conspiracy theories about the why behind BB house shoe distribution. When Joz complains about Tif wearing sunglasses indoors. Frank says, “Yeah, what are you, a poker player?” which is funny because her sister, Vanessa from Season 17, actually is a poker player Later he accidentally calls Bridgette “Britney” and when she calls him on it, he denies the foible, “You heard me wrong,” then a second later Frank goes right ahead and calls her Britney again only to follow up with a Bridgette in the next sentence just to keep her guessing. He’s hilarious in a truly quirky and fun way.

Tiff

Glumtacular Tiffany and her black cloud 

Tiff remains anti-social, skulking through rooms all slouchy and glum in all black with a cursed expression. Her black cloud of emotion hangs over the whole house so that Frank and Da’vonne talk about “doing damage control” and “babysitting” her. Poor James even talks it out with Tiff a bit, helping ease her paranoia. All we can think is Damn Girl! You’re not even on the block right now. After Tiff tells Mama Day about her conversation w/James. Tiff wants to know specifically what James said. So, Day replies, “Just that he doesn’t trust you,” then Tiff jokes about how the “game is starting” but she’s a big part of this whole “game playing scene” although she doesn’t seem aware of her effect on others.

The Spy girls discuss how “comfortable” Paulie seems and how unnerving it is, after all he should be worried. He should be trying to stay but he’s not even asking them to help him stay, etc. They talk abut how fishy Corey is, counting his money and mocking that his clothing company saves a puppy for every $100 a customer spends. It seems that they can’t help but start stirring pots and right on schedule there’s drama in the forecast for BB house June 28th evening. James is the first main target tonight for some reason and it’s coming at him from both sides.

Nicole asks glumtacular Tiffany what’s wrong and she replies that it’s nothing to do with Nicole or any of the girls. Then James joins her on the hammock and all the feelings comes flooding out. It’s JAMES that’s bugging her. Tiffany says she feels like he’s giving her the hairy eyeball on the regular and it’s upsetting because he’s the one in the house she most came into it feeling like she could trust and work with. He says she acts just like her sister with her mannerisms and it’s weird for him. But that’s not a big deal at all and there’s really nothing weird between them. Honestly, she’s imaging the “looks” she thinks he’s giving her. Tiffany decompresses a bit and even smiles a few time after this. But if there’s one thing we’ve learned from 17 previous years of Big Brother, it’s that this isn’t likely over yet. She’s got a seed planted in her about James now and it’s likely to take root, burst out of the ground, and grow leaves rather than die just because he says, “It’s cool”.

Zak-and-Nic

Zakiyah taught Nicole dance in sync

Then Nicole and Zak do an adorable dance together in the backyard with lots of choreography and stay in perfect sync while Tiff pounds out the beat in the background for them. It’s a crowd-pleaser as Da’vonne shouts, “That’s my baby!” from the sidelines and everyone enjoys it. Everyone but for Nicole who has hilarious complaints like, “I thought we were gonna get cute first,” and when she explains that she didn’t like doing it because, “I don’t like pubic speaking”.

But that’s enough fun and hijinx for one day. Fired-up late night sparks are ready to fly on the feeds for our first evening of high drama. Below you’ll find a breakdown of what was said and when:

Victor-Natalie

Victor apologizes to Natalie

Natalie-Jozea

Natalie tells Jozea that James didn’t say it

1:45 AM – Jozea dramatically asks that Victor apologize to Natalie about a comment he made on her pants. Jozea says it’s going to snowball against them if Victor doesn’t fix this now. Victor isn’t happy about it but apologizes anyway.
1:55 AM – Paul drags Bronte outside in a fury saying that if he gets hushed again he’s going to scream. Jozea is also infuriated about the girls’ “feminist power thing.” Paul says if he gets told it’s “girl talk” again he’s going to “punch her in the face.”
2:10 AM – Paul rants on and on about the women and James. He calls James the “Little Korean Man.”
2:20 AM – Says Paul “I can’t deal with women. I’m over it. I’m done,” then he gives an ironic speech about how “people in this house can’t see the bigger picture” when he has no concept of what’s going on in the bigger picture himself. We’re not sure what Paul thinks he’s accomplishing with all of his woman-bashing.
2:35 AM BBT – Jozea and Natalie discuss a rumor that James said Victor asked out Nicole, but Natalie has no recollection of James saying that to her. (He didn’t say it at all – Bronte made it up.) Bronte says James is trying to pull us apart and then prevents Jozea, Paul and Victor from saying that she was the one to tell them.
2:40 AM – Paul declares he’ll be punching people if Jozea gets evicted (he will) and no prob if he has to leave the BB house in handcuffs as a result.
2:46 AM – Bronte says she wants to choke James and will “send (James) back to Hong Kong”. After that when Natalie says she can’t wait to cook tomorrow, Paul suggests they poison the other side’s food.
3:10 AM – Jozea says Da’Vonne will definitely vote with them against Paul because, “Day doesn’t want to go to the end with Caucasian people,” though where he got this idea is anybody’s guess. Maybe it came from Delusions Unlimited, a store where Jozea seems to shop so much he must have a rewards card full of hole punches by now.

Jozea

Jozea’s lecture on womankind

Speaking of which, Jozea gives Bronte and Natalie a lecture series on “being a woman” and claims to know exactly how they feel, “because of emotions,” and instructs them on the proper way to behave and respond to men. He comes off as an ass but thinks he’s made headway in connecting with them. Jozea even brings up the “time of the month” to them, which REALLY gets their support, as you can imagine and then winds down the whole lecture with. “Just like you can’t understand how I have a beard,” ummmm. OK, Jozea. His talking-to-girls game is lamer than lame. Bronte ends up walking away while he’s still talking on and on to Natalie, sitting there with a smile frozen on her face.

So, it was a drama-filled night with more than its share of racist comments and pot-stirring, Bronte most of all. Not only did Bronte say she’d like to send James “back to Hong Kong,” though James, being from the deep American South, wouldn’t exactly fit in there with his drawl; she also told that whopper lie about him. We’re not sure where that doozy came from but it puts a deadly target right on James. Nobody seems to question its validity even though Natalie has no recollection of James saying it to her and they all agree that it makes no sense. Victor clearly has no interest in Nicole. Why would he ask to take her out after the summer is over? He wouldn’t. And even if he would, why would James tell Natalie this? But still, Jozea and Paul believe Bronte about this. So, if Bronte’s goal was to put James in the crosshairs, she seems to be the clear winner of the feeds for June 28th.

– Katherine Recap

There are two different experiences, both called “Big Brother”.

One is the television show Big Brother, as the CBS producers present it to broadcast tv audiences, three times per week. But the other is what is actually going on in the Big Brother house; the experience of the house guests, unfiltered — or at least less filtered — by television editors.

Fetchland presents Ruining Big Brother. It’s less “spoiling” Big Brother and more pulling back the curtain, to ruin our collective illusions about reality television. Enjoy! Or better yet, recoil in horror

Daily BB House Stats:
HOH – Nicole
HOH Nominated – Jozea, Paulie
Roadkill Comp Winner – Frank
RK Nominated – Bridgette
Veto Winner – Paul

Have-Nots – currently none
Punishment Status – Bridgette, Frank, Michelle, Paulie wear nudie pixel suits

Team Unicorn is safe for first 2 evictions
Corey, Tiffany are safe for 2nd eviction

Team Big Sister: Da’vonne, Paul, Zakiyah, Jozea
Team Category 4: Frank, Michelle, Paulie, Bridgette
Team Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany
Team Unicorn: James, Natalie, Victor, Bronte

It was a real slow night in the BB house with a tiny “talk show” from Paul and Jozea around two am that still counts as a refreshing break from a long day of vitriolic rants. The duo did this just for the feedsters and in the funniest part Jozea spells out his Instagram handle for us nice-and-slow only to have the camera man switch abruptly off him before he finishes. It flips to Paulie and Bridgette chatting about nothing before it a return to Jozea. Now Jozea gives makeup advice about how to remove lipstick stains and put on foundation, etc. …until Paul joins him and with a topic shift to beard advice. But the real talk starts after. They ask each other hypotheticals about situations like cheating, saving lives, and what would you do with a million bucks? That part’s fun getting to know Paul because he’s pretty likable and cool. Then the pair get confused because it seems like the camera on them stops filming. Paul responds to Jozea’s reprimands about swearing too much by saying, “I thought it was anything goes on the feeds, like you can show your dong and shit”. Bet that would turn the camera back on you, Paul!

Tiffany

Surreptitious sleeping Tiffany-style

There’s a strict BB House rule No Sleeping Outside The Bedrooms! Which is why cage-matchers who know the system (like Tiff) pull off the sunglass trick, pictured here. You can get away with a serious nap behind the facade of a semi-slouch and a big enough pair of shades. Why does this matter? FOMO, baby. Fear-of-missing-out is never been more significant than in the Big Brother house. Countless houseguests in the days of yore have missed out on their own imminent demise simply by napping out of earshot while the diabolical machinations rolled on in their absence. You gotta stay present, even if you’re secretly asleep the whole time. Nobody’s gonna plan your eviction while sitting right next to you.

IMG_3075

The next Mario Lopez can’t read a room

Awkwardness ensued time after time on June 27th. Zakiyah worked as a gorgeous and unassuming secret double agent/messenger between teams. None are the wiser among the newbies. She’d sit with them and pick up tons of toys and soil in their newbie brand sandbox of gossip then slip inside to the HOH room and spill all the dirt she’d collected to the 8Pack. One such time Zak made this trip she was unaware that Jozea traipsed along right behind her in his doggie suit to then create a massive abyss of silence upon entering HOH. As you can see in the picture, Mama Day, on the bed, is the closest person to him with everyone else as far away on the other side of the room as possible. Body language speaks volumes, Jozea and all you have to do is look around a bit to see how these people feel about you. But, sadly it seems Jozea is illiterate when it comes to body language. He still believes he’s the most beloved cage-matcher ever. After all, Jozea IS the future Mario Lopez… yes, he’s said that too. Right after Jozea hosts the next Grammys he’ll be forced to endure the trials and tribulations of his future fame-soaked life as the next Mario Lopez. We wish you well whatever happens, Jozea because you entertain us and that’s the greatest gift of all.

Paul

Paul and Bronte’s leg

Meanwhile Paul can’t keep his hands off Bronte. Whenever he’s near Bronte he’s got a hand on her. Bronte insists that she’s not interested in Paul but never says anything about his roaming hands. In our book, that’s called encouragement. There are lots of other pseudo-showmances in the house so this is kinda nothing on its face but we just wish Bronte would get real with Paul about it. Corey and Nicole have a certain attraction (maybe one-sided) as do Paulie and Zakiyah (NOT one-sided), along with the uber-obvious Natalie and Victor pairing. But these duos are more honest about this stuff than Bronte. One thing Wifey Spy needs to know, the longer you lead someone on, the fiercer the fire of their wrath when you finally get honest about it. Or maybe it’s the other cage-matchers or herself she’s not being honest with. Either way, the truth is likely to come out soon because these houseguests have NOTHING but time and each other. In other words, there’s a lot of leg-fondling in Wifey Spy’s future.

Favorite Fetchland quote of the day – Nicole to Michelle: Do they literally think Jozea’s sane?

BB Postcript – Another thing we learned today was that there’s a phone in HOH that you can use to call the London phone booth in the British-theme bedroom. Have some fun with phone calls cage-matchers!

– Katherine Recap

[For Silicon Valley “The Uptick” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

HBO Summary:
The Uptick. Richard and the guys of Pied Piper consider their company’s future; Gavin’s comeback is threatened.

The episode begins with confrontations all around. Gavin’s assistant confronts him about his use of real life endangered animals for making corporate analogies in board meetings. This practice led to the recent death of an elephant on the Hooli campus. She tells him none of this fits his “goodness at Hooli” paradigm. Thus Gavin fires her immediately rather than face his hypocrisy. His assistant turns in her Hooli gear and then calls Erlich’s tech blog to spill some dirt on Gavin. Bachman’s tech blogger then blackmails Gavin with the info to strike a deal. She ends up selling the blog to him for $2mill and thus providing Bachman with the cash he needs to be “somebody” yet again. And that he does right away. Right after, using pure bravado and pretending to be Bobby Fischer “if he could fuck,” Bachman creates a snowballing Silicon Valley rumor mill through mere enigmatic behavior. As a result, he scores Pied Piper a $6 million series B round funding offer on a $60mill valuation based entirely on the tiny little fake uptick Jared bought for the company from the click farm in India.

Then there’s confrontation number two, this time in Jared’s pseudo bedroom AKA Erlich’s garage. Turns out Richard knows about the fake users Jared bought for them. After the awkwardness of that confrontation, Richard finds out Dinesh ALSO knows the new users are fake… and Gilfoyle too. They aren’t upset, though, and present Richard with a flash drive that offers a way to hide the fake users from the vetting of the $6 mill offering VC company. Dinesh and Gilfoyle “finally respect him as a CEO” and they’re helping him because of it. So, he takes the flash drive to Jared suggesting they use it. Jared’s conscience shrieks too loudly and he says “don’t weaponize my faith in you against me,” but Richard decides to do it anyway. As Richard sits in the waiting room of the Venture Capitalist Company, Monica calls with confrontation number three and says not to do this shopping for funding without Raviga but he goes into the meeting anyway. Richard’s just about to sign the term sheet when he gets cold feet. Funny part is that his hesitancy makes them offer him $7mill on a $70mill valuation because they think it’s just negotiating tactics. This is the final straw for Richard. He then crumbles in the meeting under the weight of his conscience and honesty. Richard says he can’t commit fraud but all the infuriated Erlich can see is that his amazing deal is ruined. Bachman yells at him int he parking lot with premium grade ‘A’ righteousness.

Then Monica shows up at the incubator to see Richard. She heard about the fraud and understands he was just trying to protect Raviga from the backlash. So, she’s sorry how it’s all going downhill for him now with Pied Piper. Richard’s a lifesize sad sack next to glumtacular Jared as they sit side by side on his top bunk at Erlich’s. They’re like two bad boys sent to their room with no dinner. Meanwhile in the living room Dinesh and Gilfoyle find out that their new Pied Piper video chat app is doing very well with seven thousand organically developed users. It’s that app Dinesh cobbled together just so he could get a better look at their flirty Pied Piper employee a few episodes ago.

Laurie from Raviga sees Gavin in passing and tells him she’s forcing a sale of Pied Piper. So, just to be a dick, he offers her a million dollars for it. Meanwhile Richard visits Big Head to say goodbye because Big Head’s moving back in with his parents who want to oversee his money-handling challenges. While with Big Head he gets a call and he finds out about Gavin’s million dollar offer for PP. At the subsequent Raviga board meeting to discuss and approve this Pied Piper sale, Monica says she won’t vote yes for the sale and thus Laurie immediately fires her from the board. But then Richard votes yes, saying it’s an inevitable loss anyway. Then they find out that the ACTUAL buyer isn’t Gavin at all, though. It’s Bachmanity. When they sold their tech blog to Gavin, Bachmanity profited a million dollars and so when they heard about the Pied Piper sale, they decided to make a bid for one million and one dollars to buy it. They saved the company!

Richard tries to thank Erlich in the incubator backyard but he’s still magma mad and royally indignant… until he’s not. After partying with the team loosens Bachman’s sphincter, he can’t help but forgive his bro, Richard. They’re all in this together again, after all. In the final scene, Big Head’s decided to stay in Silicon Valley and be a part of his new investment in PP. Even Monica joins the team now because she was fired from Raviga, after all. It’s one big happy family, the band’s finally back together, and what a wonderful way to end a fabulous, hilarious season of Silicon Valley.

–Katherine Recap

There are two different experiences, both called “Big Brother”.

One is the television show Big Brother, as the CBS producers present it to broadcast tv audiences, three times per week. But the other is what is actually going on in the Big Brother house; the experience of the house guests, unfiltered — or at least less filtered — by television editors.

Fetchland presents Ruining Big Brother. It’s less “spoiling” Big Brother and more pulling back the curtain, to ruin our collective illusions about reality television. Enjoy! Or better yet, recoil in horror

Daily BB House Stats:
HOH – Nicole
HOH Nominated – Jozea, Paulie
Roadkill Comp Winner – Frank
RK Nominated – Bridgette
Veto Winner – Paul

Have-Nots – currently none
Punishment Status – Bridgette, Frank, Michelle, Paulie wear nudie pixel suits

Team Unicorn is safe for first 2 evictions
Corey, Tiffany are safe for 2nd eviction

Team Big Sister: Da’vonne, Paul, Zakiyah, Jozea
Team Category 4: Frank, Michelle, Paulie, Bridgette
Team Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany
Team Unicorn: James, Natalie, Victor, Bronte

On the BB TV Show Ep 3 we find out that Jozea’s delusions of grandeur continue even when he’s in the diary room because he says he “rules this house” and thinks targeting Nicole is meaningful even while on the block. So, Jozea’s unduly focused on offense even when defense is all anyone can really do when nominated for eviction. Meanwhile Da’vonne plays a solid fake friend with Jozea while slamming him in her DR sessions because our girl knows how to play the game. In fact, she builds up a bigger alliance to protect the veterans and picks allies well, narrowing her sites on the cage-matchers who actually KNOW Big Brother. Da’vonne/Day starts with Zakiyah and then Michelle soon follows suit. Next Da’vonne pulls in Corey and Tiff to round it out perfectly and they become the 8Pack Alliance – inspired by Corey’s toned tummy.

Jozea

Jozea explains how he’s their messiah

The show then highlights the crucial element of this season feedsters have been discussing non-stop; many newbies really don’t know the game of BB at all. Specifically the ones not in the 8Pack alliance, other than Paulie who knows the game from his bro. Jozea knows Big Brother least of all the newbies. He walks around declaring that he’s coming after Nicole all day so it’s surprising he’s so stunned to be put up for eviction by her. Jozea also says about being on the block, “I’m not worried one bit because I know everybody in the house loves me,” snort. It’s as if he’s never seen even one episode of the show.

Roadkill-Comp

Paulie in the Roadkill Competition

Then the Roadkill competition we heard so much about on the feeds is finally revealed with the BB RV pulling into the backyard. Houseguests in track suits need to strip down to swimsuits while “driving” the RV. If they take a hand off the driving instruments while changing it speeds up their timer a ton and will make their total time used much greater. The winner of the challenge gets down to their swimsuits in the least amount of time. So, they try their damnedest to keep the buttons all pushed while stripping. It’s exciting to watch our cage-matchers get uber creative using body parts to push buttons. We already knew that Frank won and then put Paul up on the block with this new RK power. But it’s still fun to see when and how he finds out he won the challenge and then hides it, containing his excitement to share the news with only his 8Pack alliance.

As we already know from the feeds, the newbies all think they know who won and they’re all wrong. It’s funny when Jozea says it was Paulie. He knows it … and he’s always right. Nobody else among the newbies is quite so certain or quite so completely wrong. Their guesses are at least in the correct alliance. Meanwhile in other alliance news, Natalie makes a new, petite one with Bridgette and Bronte to make their shared all-girl team dreams from pre-show interview days come true. They call their alliance Spy Girls, Natalie = Flirty Spy, Bronte = Wifey Spy, and Bridgette = Spunky Spy. It doesn’t really make sense to us what makes Bronte a “Wifey” but we’ll go along with that part at least for now purely on faith that it means something. The Spy part, though… That’s all wrong. The whole time they’re “plotting their alliance” Tiffany is merely a few feet away and can totally hear them from the hammock. Meanwhile these “spies” don’t even notice her. So far the whole spying thing doesn’t fly.

Category4

Category4 in Pixels

Next we see Category4 receive their Mystery punishment. It’s the pixel nudie costumes they’ve gotta wear for a week. A mucho amusing collage of nudie pixel living, loving, and dancing makes us laugh before the show settles into a more serious mode to reveal Frank’s secretly selected third nominee – Paul. Jozea has the most upset reaction of everyone while Paul declares himself Bearded Rambo and pumps his arm in victory. It’s all in good show and this guy knows how to put one on, it seems.

The feeds were pretty uneventful yet again on Sunday, June 26th, with a brief bit of fun dramatics after an hour and a half of the POV meeting where Paul took himself off the block and then Bridgette was put up in his place. Some of the funny parts included Jozea calling himself the “glue that holds everybody together,” and “a motivational speaker,” arousing dead-eyed non-reactions from his cage-match peers. They then go off to whisper about it later with others, of course. The house division feels like a line drawn in the sand with each side slamming the other at every secret convo opportunity. Tiff, Vic, and Jozea get the most beatdowns of all, which is surprising considering that Paul and Bronte seem to be the most polarizing on the surface. But that’s the thing about the feeds… you really get to see below the surface. In the Big Brother cage match it’s about trusting your gut and the visceral reactions people get from living together are a powerful force. Instincts matter much more than tattoos or a piercing baby voice when assessing people. On a side note, Paul has the major hots for Bronte and even though she says she’s not into it, she’s not pushing his roaming hands away either.

On-The-Block

On The Block Bros

– Katherine Recap

The Winds of Winter

[For Game of Thrones “The Winds of Winter” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

HBO Summary:
The Winds of Winter. Latest episode of the hit series.

After this week’s episode of Game of Thrones my podcast / Fetchland / et cetera partner BDM sent me a text intimating that season six’s finale might be the most satisfying episode of television ever.

Was it?

Certainly “The Winds of Winter” was close. We got crucial background information, found out what all our favorite characters are up to (no matter how far flung), and even saw multiple arcs come full circle. With so many important storylines being resolved I decided to go big on my overarching theme this week with…

My Top 8 Aw Shit Moments of “The Winds of Winter”:

1. Cersei Blows Up the Great Sept of Baelor

Going into “The Winds of Winter” young King Tommen really put his mom into a pickle. By banning trial by combat Tommen took away Cersei’s ace in the hole — the Mountain — as her preferred champion. The High Sparrow tried Ser Loras first.

Loras fell far, though pointlessly, here. He “admitted” his many “sins” (“I lay with other men including the traitor Renly Baratheon”); and was mutilated by the Faith Militant for his troubles. A broken Loras capped off his confession with a knife to the forehead, renouncing everything that made him who he is [was], to the horror of other Tyrells present.

Margaery noticed — and soon enough — that there was something wrong. Cersei didn’t show up for her own trial. Unfortunately the Faith Militant kept Margaery and the other nobles from successfully fleeing as the great Sept went up in a green explosion of wildfire.

Some decades before the action of “The Winds of Winter” began, Jaime Lannister betrayed his Kingsguard oaths to save King’s Landing from the caches of wildfire hidden beneath the streets by a mad Targaryen. Once she was put into a corner, Jaime’s sister took all of one episode to blow the place up using those same damnable resources; High Sparrow, Tyrell family, and landmark all at once.

2. Tommen Flings Himself Out the Window

Tommen, like his absent mother, was supposed to have attended the day’s trials. However the Mountain kept King Tommen in his room; a safety measure to prevent him from entering an exploding Sept.

After seeing the destruction — destruction that cost him his wife and his new best buddy the High Sparrow — Tommen was overcome with emotion. Was it just loss? Was it the realization that he cast the proximate die by outlawing trial by combat? We’ll never know because Tommen didn’t say hardly anything this episode before committing suicide.

And so, in consecutive season finales, Cersei and Jaime lose actually decent child after actually decent child.

Even as she gets a measure of revenge over a cruel septa (and in anticipation of #8, below) we must ask Well Cersei, was it all worth it?

I’ve seen every episode of this show, read every novel (some more than twice), and even comics like The Hedge Knight… And I honestly don’t know what she would answer.

3. A Conspiracy in Dorne

“The last time a Tyrell came to Dorne he was assassinated.”

-The Queen of Thorns

The Lannisters declared war on Dorne after the murder of Princess Myrcella at the end of last season; and old Olenna must take the deaths of her house’s Lord, as well as grandchildren Loras and Margaery, in the Sept explosion as declaration of war on House Tyrell (though knowing Cersei it is unclear if this was by accident, design, spite, negligence, or even jealousy). As she says, Cersei stole her House’s future.

Dorne and the Reach, close neighbors, have traditionally been enemies; but here they begin to entertain an alliance of strong women, the Red Viper’s paramour and Sand Snake bastards + Olenna Tyrell… and another strong woman from across the sea.

“Fire and Blood.”

-The words of House Targaryen, also Varys

We find out where Varys went a couple of episodes ago. The Master of Whispers set out to Dorne to help forge a waiting alliance for Dany’s invasion force. The Martells (or Sands, I guess) would have been formidable allies; but thanks to Cersei’s wildfire play, it seems Dany gets the wealthy Tyrells to boot!

4. “My name is Arya Stark”

“The Winds of Winter” is one of the most philosophical episodes of Game of Thrones ever. Cersei is on the precipice of everything she ever wanted (if also nothing); so is Dany. All it cost either woman was love after love after love. We learn a bit about how Littlefinger’s brain works (more on that in one bullet), and get quite a meditation on war from Walder Frey.

Old Walder — never himself much of a warrior — has quite the pragmatic outlook on battle, on fear, on power… Which seems to fit given his best buddy position with dominant House Lannister (presumably both Lannister and Baratheon, but we don’t hear much about the actual royal house). Jaime points out that if the Freys are supposed to hold the Riverlands, but the Lannisters have to come up to bail them out every time, What do they need the Freys for?

Well, Walder won, and he’s going to have his dinner.

Where are his sons?

His serving girl says the sons are there already.

Huh?

In the most Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street moment we will likely get on Game of Thrones, Walder peels back his meat pie to reveal a human finger. Is he horrified he is eating human, or is it that he is eating his own son?

The serving girl reveals herself, removing a Braavosi false face… and it is Arya!

“My name is Arya Stark…”

Power.

Wow.

Power.

Arya appears to have the full abilities of a Faceless Man, having been declared “finally no one” last week… but while retaining her own personality. Woe to her enemies list! This is the last we’ll see of Lord Walder Frey, whose neck is opened from ear to ear by presumably the most powerful assassin on two continents; a teenage girl.

5. Sansa Turns Down Littlefinger

Littlefinger, remember, was deeply intermingled with the troubles of the Stark family (and of the Seven Kingdoms) from the beginning. The Valyrian steel dagger that implicated Tyrion, the betrayal of the Gold Cloaks at the end of Season One, the conspiracy with Olenna against then-King Joffrey, and even “selling” Sansa to the Boltons all had his ahem little fingers pulling the strings.

Littlefinger thrives on chaos. He is both one of the smartest players in the Game of Thrones and one of the most patient. Finally, in what seems like a moment of true candor we see where he is coming from and what is actually motivating him.

“Every time I am faced with a decision I close my eyes and see the same picture. Whenever I consider an action I ask myself, will this action help me make this picture a reality? Pull it out of my mind and into the world? And I only act if the answer is yes: A picture of me on the Iron Throne and you by my side.”

-Littlefinger

Littlefinger has been carrying a torch for the Stark girls — Catelyn really — for decades; heck, he even engineered the death of her husband! Sansa is the younger, prettier, version of Catelyn Tully; with her fair features and light hair, she is the opposite of Jon or Arya’s darker Stark coloring. You almost have to admire Littlefinger’s focus if not his methods.

… But more than that you have to admire Sansa’s resolve: Knights of the Vale to the rescue or not, she rebuffs him (for now), throwing in with Jon. It is an interesting question, though: Who makes for a stronger [King] in the North, the nameless bastard or the trueborn daughter of Ned Stark? He certainly seems to favor the latter… King in the North being a nice stepping-stone to Iron Throne for himself, maybe.

6. The Secret Origin of Jon Snow

To the surprise of literally no one (shout out to Arya and Jaqen!) Jon Snow is confirmed by Bran-warg as the bastard child of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. After the fight at the Tower of Joy, young Ned encounters his sister, so bloody she has sprayed the room in childbirth. We see her secure the promise from her big brother to “Protect him, Ned” … Fearing Robert, their ally and her betrothed; Jon, so many ways, a threat to Robert’s young crown.

7. The King in the North

The contrast is, ahem, Stark.

Led by the ever-decisive Lyanna Mormont, the Northern Lords, Knights of the Vale, and Free Folk unite under Jon Snow “whose name is Stark” as King in the North. It isn’t even clear that Jon wants it; but he’s through and through the leader they all want. All the Manderlys and Glovers prostrate themselves, beg forgiveness, and promise to be true the next time Jon calls. He is gracious in victory and reminds them that though winter has finally come (as his father and the Stark words always promised) the true enemy will not wait out the storm, but bring it.

Now that Jon is confirmed to be the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna, the rhetoric about Jon being Ned Stark’s son in the North takes a very different color. I mean if the Northern Lords are going to accept the bastard carrying Ned Stark’s blood, is there much difference if he has Lyanna Stark’s blood? I guess Sansa officially has the better claim (“boy + bastard” v. “younger daughter of the same father” being more up for debate). But at the same time, if you’re willing to swallow the “bastard” bit, Jon has the stronger claim on the Iron Throne relative to Auntie Dany.

8. Cersei on the Iron Throne

The final moments of “The Winds of Winter” see Jaime return to Kings Landing, oblivious to the death of his last child, but arriving just in time for his twin’s coronation. It is impossible to read his true emotions — or hers — as Cersei is sworn in as the First of Her Name next to Hand of the King Queen Qyburn. Jaime and Cersei are so controlled in this scene… It’s hard to contextualize given the world of trouble they are about to be in so soon after a seeming victory.

The ending is ominous and perfect: “The Winds of Winter” gave us so much, revealed so much… Yet more than anything else, left us begging for the next episode… Which is unfortunately a year away.

Top 8 Assorted Thoughts:

  1. Tyrion, now Hand to Dany, has served twice in the role, under two different “Kings” of Westeros.
  2. How long does it take to cross the Narrow Sea? Varys left Meereen, negotiated a conspiracy with the Sand Snakes and Olenna, and managed to make it back onto Dany’s flagship before the invasion force left; ditto Arya.
  3. How do the actual Game battle lines look? With Frey dead you almost feel like Tully will reclaim the Riverlands (sadly without the Blackfish) and declare for House Stark. That leaves the Lannisters essentially alone (their last “Baratheon” dead) versus a conspiracy of Martell + Tyrell + Targaryen + Greyjoy to the south and southeast; and the old coalition of Stark + Arryn + presumably Tully + presumably Baratheon to the North (the Onion Knight being Hand of the Baratheon King, now declared for Jon Snow). Sans Dragons I’d give the edge to the Stark coalition; it will be interesting to see how Jon’s old friendship with Tyrion and the Dragon reaction to an undead Targaryen King of the North play out.
  4. Can Jon cross the Wall?
  5. Will Arya reunite with Nymeria?
  6. Will Dany see political blowback from dismissing Daario, a man who truly loves her?
  7. Who is going to finally give Cersei hers? Queen of Thorns? Someone with the last name “Sand”? True Queen of the Seven Kingdoms Daenerys Targaryen? Fetchland money is on Arya!
  8. I get the Dothraki are showing off being ripped and all, but in case they didn’t get the memo in Essos, Winter is here.

LOVE
MIKE

There are two different experiences, both called “Big Brother”.

One is the television show Big Brother, as the CBS producers present it to broadcast tv audiences, three times per week. But the other is what is actually going on in the Big Brother house; the experience of the house guests, unfiltered — or at least less filtered — by television editors.

Fetchland presents Ruining Big Brother. It’s less “spoiling” Big Brother and more pulling back the curtain, to ruin our collective illusions about reality television. Enjoy! Or better yet, recoil in horror

Daily BB House Stats:
HOH – Nicole
HOH Nominated – Jozea, Paulie
Roadkill Comp Winner – Frank
RK Nominated – Paul
Veto Winner – Paul

Have-Nots – currently none
Punishment Status – Bridgette, Frank, Michelle, Paulie wear nudie pixel suits

Team Unicorn is safe for first 2 evictions
Corey, Tiffany are safe for 2nd eviction

Team Big Sister: Da’Vonne, Paul, Zakiyah, Jozea
Team Category 4: Frank, Michelle, Paulie, Bridgette
Team Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany
Team Unicorn: James, Natalie, Victor, Bronte

The day begins around noon eastern time, nine AM cage-matcher time as Frank talks to himself (us) in the beautiful backyard. He verifies facts for us about the Roadkill challenge and his role in nominating Paul then makes us laugh with a tirade of self-deprecation.

Over coffee Paul gives Nicole a lecture series on traveling the world and society’s over-reliance on money for happiness. He goes on and on and she’s never been better at the head nod and smile routine. It soon becomes clear that Paul’s conference-on-Paul shall continue all day and into the wee hours as Jozea gives a parallel lecture-series-on-Jozea from his bed/throne on the other funtacular feeds. James, hearby declared “best-smelling Houseguest” by the ladies, and all the smelly guys too find themselves listening and head nodding all day long. Soon we feedsters realize this is classic early days and that means a lot of cage-match convos that come to nothing. An awkward political discussion in the fake grass sends several conflict-avoidant houseguests fleeing across the coolest BB backyard yet. That was the most exciting event of the day – election talk. Yawn.

Da'vonne-Bronte

Classic Reaction Pic of Da’vonne & Bronte

So, there’s lots of napping and bitching to spare on Feeds – June 24th. We notice many cage-matchers complain that Victor is “selfish” and “greedy” because he eats a lot and does things like use the (rare in the BB house) avocados to make a face mask for himself. The ladies find him annoying in general, except Natalie, who can’t help but occasionally cuddle him. Most of the cage-matcher conversations, though, were about absolutely nada today, with many of them even explicitly saying they don’t want to talk game. Speaking of talking in circles, Natalie and Victor discuss the “relationship” they never really had or wanted while cuddling in bed together, the Platonic ideal of saying one thing while actively doing the opposite.

The afternoon brought a spunky puppet show in the kitchen with Da’vonne and Victor holding colorful stuffed animals up to the counter. Jozea, the king of late night promises, declares there will be another puppet show at night. He’s notorious now after making a serious habit of promising crucial meetings and spectacular shows for “2AM” or “later tonight” that never come to light.

Bjork

Bjork = Bridgette

It’s interesting how much more attractive the houseguests are when they get all natural and normal after being in the house awhile. Their stiff, made-up, smiling facades from the pre show interviews fall away and we can see them simply as they are (on TV). Thus, whereas before they looked like TV characters, now they seem to simply be beautiful people. As always, we can’t help but start to see resemblances between houseguests and celebrities too. For instance, Bronte brings Tori Spelling to mind and Bridgette is the spitting image of the singer Bjork.

Paulie-bikes

Paulie Bikes In Nudie Pixel Suit

A funny moment happens on the hammock when Michelle says she wants to work out but can’t because her nudie pixel outfit prevents it and then the camera pans behind her where Paulie rides a stationary bike in his pixel suit with great ferocity and speed. Meanwhile Day (Da’vonne) makes a lovely dinner for everyone and they’re appropriately grateful. Tiff, though, was a sad bunny all night. If you wanted semi-fun, nominally entertaining feeds instead of sad bunnytime, you could swing over to watch drunk Paul on auto-repeat with the “I’m so drunk, guys”. We could’ve easily mistaken him for a college girl at a frat party. Truth is, Frank let out a fart that was more interesting than drunken Paul. Paulie even said, “That one makes my list of top five most well-timed farts ever,” like in the history of the world, dudes.

Sad-Bunny-Tiff

Sad Bunny Tiff Pretending To Listen

So, it wasn’t the most exciting day feed-wise, but strap yourselves in because Sunday night will be a spicy show with lots of thrills on the feeds right after. Sure, you’ll likely be watching the Game of Thrones finale at the time… We get it! That’s why we’re here – to share our delightful dish of ruination and recap with you the very next day. Fetchland lives to serve you, baby!

– Katherine Recap

There are two different experiences, both called “Big Brother”.

One is the television show Big Brother, as the CBS producers present it to broadcast tv audiences, three times per week. But the other is what is actually going on in the Big Brother house; the experience of the house guests, unfiltered — or at least less filtered — by television editors.

Fetchland presents Ruining Big Brother. It’s less “spoiling” Big Brother and more pulling back the curtain, to ruin our collective illusions about reality television. Enjoy! Or better yet, recoil in horror

Daily BB House Stats:
HOH – Nicole
HOH Nominated – Jozea, Paulie
Roadkill Comp Winner – Frank
RK Nominated – Paul
Veto Winner – Paul

Have-Nots – currently none
Punishment Status – Bridgette, Frank, Michelle, Paulie wear nudie pixel suits

Team Unicorn is safe for first 2 evictions
Corey, Tiffany are safe for 2nd eviction

Team Big Sister: Da’Vonne, Paul, Zakiyah, Jozea
Team Category 4: Frank, Michelle, Paulie, Bridgette
Team Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany
Team Unicorn: James, Natalie, Victor, Bronte

June 24th was a costume-filled extravaganza… OK, not really but there were a lot of costumes. Many in the house are currently gunning for Jozea to go home this week and thus are quick to point out his flaws as soon as he’s out of earshot. This is classic BB and, let’s just be really honest, humanity at large.

Michelle wore a fire hydrant costume to host the veto comp. Da’Vonne and Corey played along with Nicole, Jozea, Paulie, and Paul. Afterwards feedsters quickly found out Paul won the veto. We don’t know much about the Roadkill Competition yet (it’s a new one) but we do know it enabled the winner, Frank, to add Paul to the eviction block in a secret twist. Nobody else in the house is aware that it was Frank who won and many houseguests wrongly assume it was Nicole. So, now that Paul won veto and will take himself off the block, Frank will (secretly) name a replacement when the time comes. The veto challenge players wore doggie costumes to go along with Michelle’s hydrant, and the competition involved stacking, spinning and crawling through a tunnel. Afterward the players were nauseated and complainier than usual. Oh the spinning, oh the tunnel, of the indignity of it all… Veto players wore their dog suits for a long time, which made the serious discourse of the 2am “pre-meeting” funnier than it was intended. Paul also wore his veto around his neck much longer than anyone has in BB history.

Jozea

We own this house!

The now notorious non-starter two am meetings are still getting called daily by Jozea and then not happening at all. This time, though he says the meeting is “crucial”, and everyone but Tiffany’s invited. The meeting never happens but they do hold a pre-meeting with Team Big Sister, Team Unicorn, and Paulie to discuss who they’d put up in place of Paul when he takes himself off the block with the veto. This shows how these newbies don’t really know how it works because the one with the power to nominate is always also the one who decides the re-nomination after a veto removal. Because the houseguests don’t know who nominated Paul, there’s really no way for them to influence the replacement. Jozea got the meeting pumpin’ to the jam with a pep talk saying they “own the house!!” although this couldn’t be farther from the current reality. In fact, right now it looks like Jozea will be the one going home – first evicted. His game strategy is to tell the HOH she’s the target and then walk around the house as if he owns the place… which seems more like a Joffrey Lannister impression than a Big Brother strategy.

Pixel-Paulie

Paulie converses in his nudie pixel costume

Tiffany finally told Paulie she’s Vanessa’s sister and they bonded a little with how much they feel like they fit in better with the veterans than most of the newbie “crazy people”. Big Brother boozes them up a bit and several of them shotgun beers before a hasty round of Spin the Bottle and Truth or Dare, with gross-out tasks. It all concluded with Victor doing a nudie pixel streak with a borrowed butt placard. He’s a handsome fella but nobody’s falling for his schtick thus far.

[For Penny Dreadful “Finale” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

Showtime Summary:
Finale. It’s the end.

Coming into the season three and series finale of Penny Dreadful nobody knew that this is where the story would end. Nobody except Vanessa Ives. As everything in the story swirls from one stabby, blood-soaked scene to another it all spirals to the final apocalyptic battle between good and evil. Of course, it’s not as if we weren’t warned. They’ve been spelling it out for us for three whole seasons and Vanessa Ives most of all. Every other word out of her mouth, it seems, was about the “end of days” and the final showdown between dark and light… and she really did mean final, it turns out.

Fetchland didn’t get ANY of our wishes with this finale and we’re not ashamed to say that the whole thing made us pretty damn sad to boot. Justine took a knife in the gut from remorseless, arrogant Dorian and all the lady warriors left soon after to avoid the same fate. Meanwhile Lily escaped Dr. Frankenstein’s needle with the heartbreaking story of her baby daughter’s death. She then returned to Dorian only to turn right back around and leave him forever with his words, “You’ll be back,” trailing after her. At least Lily got away. Of course, she’s devastated at the loss of Justine, “another dead child,” but she leaves as unscathed as an immortal with a broken heart and soul can possibly be.

The Creature’s not quite so lucky. Not only does his beloved son, Jack, die but then his wife Marge demands that he take the boy’s body to Dr. Frankenstein to be revived as he was. If he doesn’t do this, Marge declares that she never wants to see him again. This ultimatum certainly won’t do for the one man in the world who truly knows the torment of this “revival” she demands. He takes the boy’s body to the sea and floats him away on a watery grave of tears and The River Thames. Sadness reigns.

So, at this point we have two main characters sad and alone along with a destroyed city where the air has become poison, killing tens of thousands overnight while night creatures run the show. Frogs crawl out of air ducts in offices by the hundreds, vampires wander the streets, and all the innocent humans are dying in droves. It doesn’t bode well for the world of Penny Dreadful. They cap off the Dr. Jekyll character by securing his future as an aristocratic Lord with the death of his father and we never get to see the beast Hyde. It’s disappointing to say the least. Perhaps we’re meant to ponder how there are hidden monsters inside men even at the highest class ranks but we were already well aware of that; those of us who keep our eyes open and read the newspaper once in awhile, anyway. On the other hand, in a much less disappointing character arc, Catriona saves the day and Ethan’s life when the mighty trio return from the American West to save Vanessa and encounter a vampire instead. She explains that it’s the “end of days” and secures her position in Fetchland’s opinion as the perfect new James Bond. Her character has everything Bond needs to find a bigger audience and freshen that jaded brand. Catriona fights with a clever ferocity that squashes any man’s attempt to outdo her… plus she’s British with rad fencing skills.

But let’s get back to this desperately sad finale. Next Dr. Seward also helps the trio find Vanessa using Renfield under hypnosis as their guide. During their journey to Dracula, Renfield mentions that he believes if he’d had a friend like Seward in his life before maybe he wouldn’t have fallen into Dracula’s clutches. This reminds us of how Penny Dreadful often meditates upon the healing power of friendship. It’s one of the lasting and profound themes that remains an intrinsic message of this story even in this weeptacular finale. Actually this is the very idea we’re left with at the end of the show in the graveyard scene where these same characters congregate.

Kaetany and Ethan fight side by side as werewolves during the search for Vanessa and then Ethan finds out Kaetany was his “maker” but there’s really no time to get pissy about it. The world needs saving and Ethan’s the only man/wolf for the job. He does have his friends at his side, though, for the final showdown; Catriona, Malcolm, Drs. Frankenstein & Seward, along with Kaetany. At first, Dracula gives them a chance to retreat because Vanessa “wants them to live” but they say, “Fuck no,” and wage battle anyway. Silver bullets fly hither and fro while Catriona impresses with mighty hand-to-hand combat, stabby warfare, and acrobatics. We absolutely adore her. Next Ethan slips away from the gunfight and finds Vanessa at the end of a long hallway full of lit candles. Vanessa tells Ethan it’s all her fault. Turns out she’s the mother of all evil. So sad, so lost, so alone. It’s over for her and for the world unless he takes her out. She has to be the martyr to save the world. He kisses her and, reluctantly, kills her. As Vanessa dies she says she sees the Lord and looks happy at last. But we’re bereft and feeling pretty stabby ourselves. Martyrdom is the worst! We hate it. Fight, fight, fight, we always say. Never give up!… and whatnot.

The friends all hate it too. But then Dracula disappears, the sun comes back out, and the world is saved. Vanessa died so that the world could go on. We get it but we’re still bereft. In the final scene the friends go to Vanessa’s grave. The Creature waits until they all leave and then visits the grave as well and although we’re sadder than sad we also hear him recite the most beautiful funeral soliloquy. It’s from William Wordsworth’s, Ode to Immortality and, because we’re jaded old sods, we can’t remember the last time a poem actually made us cry. But this one does and we remember once again the sublime art of perfectly crafted verse and how it feels to be moved by the purity of words. Thank you for that, Penny Dreadful. You touched us with your gorgeous story and true artistry even while you took it all away from us forever.

–Katherine Recap