Hollywood

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Supercalifragilisticjuliefriggingandrews” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Supercalifragilisticjuliefriggingandrews Gigi meets Johnny’s mom and finds out why Mary Poppins ruined her career in show business.

Johnny’s mom, Elizabeth, calls to notify him she’s dying of cancer and thus, she’s decided to really live these last few months of life to the fullest. So, Elizabeth’s getting married and wants Johnny’s band to play the wedding all gussied up in 70s attire. This gives him the opportunity to tell his mom about her grandchild – Gigi. Elizabeth’s even more excited about his band playing the wedding after googling Gigi and finding out, “She’s gorgeous!” Johnny tells Gigi her grandma has cancer and she expresses how awful that is so he replies, “You haven’t met her yet.”

The band congregates to explain to Gigi why Johnny hates his mom. Turns out he was the reason Elizabeth had to give up her best opportunity, playing Mary Poppins, because she was pregnant with Johnny. She then left his Dad for leaving showbiz to become a doctor and took Johnny on her failure after failure chase for stardom down the back alleys of Broadway. Johnny never got over it and we see where he gets that trait because Elizabeth’s still hella bitter toward Julie Andrews. In fact, it turns out she’s pretty angry with Johnny about it too and Gigi gives her a bit of the bitch right back when she sees this flare up.

At the reception Johnny wrote a special song for his mother and when the band plays it’s an awakening to the room that Gigi’s a spectacular performer. Johnny’s song “Put it on Me” isn’t just a hit with the crowd, it even suits the seventies theme and shows off Gigi’s special gift. Instead of appreciating it, though, Elizabeth takes a stage nearby and has the spotlight transferred to her just when the applause should have been starting for Gigi. She can’t stand to be out of attention’s center, even for her granddaughter to shine. When we hear Elizabeth sing we realize that maybe Johnny’s Dad was right about her not losing the part to Julie Andrews because of baby Johnny… maybe she just wasn’t a good enough singer.

Truths are tumbling out at this point and Elizabeth is such a junkie for all eyes on her that it turns out she doesn’t even have cancer. It was just a ploy to get Johnny to drop everything and suit up 70s style for free in her wedding reception. This news along with her insistence upon mispronouncing Ava’s name time after time bring an aha moment in the last bit of the episode that wait-a-minute, Johnny doesn’t hate her because of his childhood… maybe it’s because she’s just AWFUL. Period. On the bright side, Johnny’s Dad, Captain Serious, is a cool cat who plays tenor sax and, we learn in this episode, has already developed a warm, loving bond with Gigi.

There are funny sexploit subplots in this episode; Flash gets an ass grabbing from Elizabeth’s brand new husband, Bam Bam does sexual favors for barbeque, and Rehab goes to the geriatric boneyard. These scintillating asides coupled with amazing costumes and a plethora of Billy Joel jokes make for a particularly sparkly fun ride in this episode of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll especially with the family fireworks crackling throughout.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “My Friend the Priest” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
My Friend the Priest. When Jim is finally invited to do “The Tonight Show,” Jeannie invites Father Nicholas.

Jim finds out he’s finally booked his dream gig on Jimmy Fallon’s The Tonight Show and immediately tells his best buddy, Dave who tries to place what show that is.
“Struggling a bit, right?” says Dave after pretending not to know who’s been hosting it lately. “Huge among every demographic except my bitter friends,” Jim replies. As Gaffigan leaves disgruntled Dave behind on the sidewalk he spies Father Nicholas nearby and crosses the street to avoid him. Unfortunately Father Nicholas also has crossing the street privileges and he really wants to talk to Jim. Then it turns out he’s coming to dinner – oh joy.

“I’m not interested in a bromance with a member of the clergy,” Jim attempts to explain to baffled Jeannie after she’s just gone on about how normal and everyday a person Father Nicholas is. We’ve all been in this boat where we just don’t click with the the other guy in there but he’s got the steering wheel and access to all the life preservers… such a fun day at sea. And for Jim, it’s truly a never ending showboat of an episode.

Next thing Jim knows “weird” Father Nicholas tags along to his gig that night and his mere priestly presence shuts the laughs down. All comics seem to agree that priests are audience poison. It’s apparently a universal truth – a Platonic ideal, if you will, of toxic comedy sets. So, inevitably, Jim gets the dreaded news the next day just as he’s leaving for the dream gig. Father Nicholas will be joining him on set at “The Tonight Show” and there’s nothing Jim can do about it.

Father Nicholas glows with a beaming naive sincerity through the halls of NBC. He grins and introduces himself to everyone as “famous comedian, Jim Gaffigan’s priest” then makes so many friends that by showtime he’s playing tambourine with the Roots. Father Nicholas ends up playing ping pong with Julianne Moore and the seemingly ever-present-on-The-Jim-Gaffigan-Show-these-days Macaulay Culkin. Jimmy and the audience adore having him on the show so much that Father Nicholas ends up bumping the last guest. Yes, that’s Jim, watching it all from his sad sack green room with his resident sidekick, Bitter Dave. The episode ends on Macaulay Culkin asking Father Nicholas who Jim Gaffigan is – indeed.

Kudos to The Jim Gaffigan Show’s Tongayi Chirisa. The actor playing Father Nicholas nails his character’s awkward sincerity so perfectly that he doesn’t just steal “The Tonight Show” from Jim… Chirisa slips in lines with comedic ease, like when Dave and Jim are fighting bombastic and he gleefully says, “You comedians are so funny all the time. It is very enjoyable!” He maintains a stilted manner that serves his character while remaining completely real and believable in sincere emotional moments like when he thanks Jim for bringing him to Jimmy Fallon and, for just one fleeting flicker of a moment, touches the Gaffigan heart buried deep beneath all those food jokes.

–Katherine Recap

Lots of Fetchland readers already subscribe to services like Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu Plus, or even Marvel Unlimited.

… Which begs the question: When you have access to an almost limitless plethora of entertainment options, which ones should you pick?

“What’s Free Wednesday” is a weekly Fetchland feature spotlighting something great to read or watch available on one or more entertainment services. “Free” once you’ve paid for it, if you grok 😉

Chef

Free on:

• Amazon Prime
• Netflix

Sometimes you just want to see a feelgood movie that’s smart and captivating… but still actually entertaining. Chef hits all these targets! By virtue of its title you’d think Chef might appeal mainly to foodies but it’s for everyone. It’s not deep in the gourmand realm like Babette’s Feast or Big Night but there’s still plenty of food porn for the eater in all of us.

Jon Favreau goes back to his indie roots with this one, writing, directing and starring – like a boss. Chef feels small but combines several movie genres with ease including: feelgood comedy, road movie, and even upstart-becomes-underdog a-la Jerry Maguire. The charismatic amalgam of stars like Sofia Vergara, Bobby Cannavale, Scarlett Johannson, and John Leguizamo add spice to this already delicious story.

Appropriately titled, this is truly the tale of a chef; Jon Favreau’s character, Carl, is happiest in the kitchen. He loves what he does especially when there’s nobody telling him what to cook. Unfortunately, he works for an old school restaurateur who keeps the menu on ice – as in back to the ice age. Carl’s got dreams about serving pork belly, figuring out Twitter, and winning over the food critic who’s soured on him over the years – Oliver Platt. He’s also got a ten year old son he’s been semi-ignoring over the years who ends up Carl’s social media angel as the story rolls deep into the Interwebs.

Though generally a realistic story anyway, the tipping point scenes in Chef are welcome doses of uber reality. The first is when Carl completely loses it screaming at the reviewer while oblivious to a multitude of cell phones recording the spectacle. This is the scene where Carl wakes from his upstart slumber and realizes he’s being held back creatively by working for the man – in this case Dustin Hoffman in the tiniest role imaginable. That’s it for Carl! He straps on his rocket propulsion boots ready to change his whole life, bootstraps and all. Another great awakening happens soon after when Carl and his son clean their future food truck of the hardened filth crust from its former inhabitants. Suddenly we see how the kitchen work ethic can translate to parenting lessons that last a lifetime when he later explains to his son that he earned his chef’s knife and nobody can ever take it away.

Chef takes off a fabulous foray from this point on, crossing the southern states in a food truck named El Jefe. Carl and son sell scrumptious cuban sandwiches from El Jefe arousing a litany of tweets with each sale. Carl’s sandwiches gain social media momentum thanks to the savvy of his son who’s also surreptitiously making vines of all their artisanal escapades. He’s only ten, officially their marketing guru, traveling cross country, and bonding with Dad like a bro – it’s a tween dream. Along the way the El Jefe food truck establishes such a following that by the time they reach their final destination, LA, the town’s rolling out those Hollywood red carpets for them.

The characters are the most refreshing aspect of Chef and not just because they’re captivating in their respective roles. There’s been a trend lately in movies where tons of characters are just nasty for little reason related to story and it gets old pretty fast for those of us still clinging to Anne Frank’s winsome words about people really being good inside. The antidote for this loathsome practice lies in Chef where the people are hilariously funny without being mean; in fact they’re especially awesome. Carl happens to be blessed with the coolest most beautiful ex wife in the world, the sexiest girlfriend, and the world’s friendliest and true blue coworkers. It’s packed with good eggs and that makes it all the more fun to go along the ride with Carl.

The exuberant soundtrack also gives this flick a delightful boost – an effervescent mix of cultures that perfectly augments the colorful food and feelings onscreen. The scenes where Carl cooks and all we hear is the pan sizzle and music are some of the most delightful screen moments thanks to these carefully selected songs. A fantastic date night movie, there’s a big bow on top of Chef at the end, so if you like your conclusions tied up in the neatest, most perfect packages – you know what to watch next on Netflix or Amazon Prime.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Tattoo You” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Tattoo You Gigi asks Johnny to get a tattoo of her name as a sign of true fatherly commitment.

As this episode of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll begins Gigi shares her new bicep tattoo of Johnny’s name in red but he’s not appropriately grateful. All Johnny can think is needles needles needles which he hates – so it musta hurt. When Johnny starts to shift and say it’s kinda cool all of a sudden Gigi’s mother, Cat, is at their door – finally revealed! She loves Gigi’s tattoo and asks why Johnny doesn’t have a Gigi tattoo. Cat has one on her wrist that she got on the way home from the hospital after giving birth to Gigi.

When Cat pulls a cigarette out of her bag, revealing her waist, they all spy a tattoo on her hip. It’s Flash’s lightning bolt symbol, apparently indicating that Gigi’s mom already slept with him. Uh oh. Gigi pulls Cat into a back bedroom to accuse her of muffblocking – it’s kinda like cockblocking but for ladies. She’s outraged that Cat is trying to keep her from sleeping with Flash. It’s gotta be a brand new tattoo just for her sake! Then she calls Cat a bitch as her mother leaves in a sweep of black leather and hotness saying that she’s just trying to save the band.. Gigi immediately calls Flash and confronts him but he claims Cat and he only ever just fooled around. They didn’t sleep together. This is oh so very comforting to Gigi who advises Flash not to allow himself to get spellbound and Titnotized by Cat, “Watch out for ‘em!”

Then Gigi’s mom joins the band for rehearsal at the studio and plays them a song she wrote. Flash spontaneously pitches in, snuggling up next to Cat on the piano bench and singing cheek to cheek. Gigi huffily takes him out to the hallway where Flash says having her mom around does make him think maybe Gigi’s too young for him. BUT he had a “sack jack” – surgical ballsack tightening – so he’s not so old in a physical way and also, yeah, he’s attracted to Cat. Here we catch the first glimpse of the Johnny genes in Gigi when she thrashes an amp to bits with a guitar. Bad but undeniably rad, Gigi’s officially a rockstar.

Ava and Gigi’s mom have a bonding session. Cat sadly says that Gigi is her song and Ava’s getting all the royalties. This is especially poignant because Cat actually is a famous songwriter. She just sold a song to Sheryl Crow and even if she lives in Ohio she’s the real deal in the music world – Cat knows the biz. So, that’s why Gigi has so much money!

Johnny finally agrees to get Gigi’s name tattooed on his butt and then throws in Ava’s name on the other cheek because, hey, she’s earned it over the years.. Cat and Flash sing together in the studio so she can remind him of their attraction. But then he ignores that boner to go and get Gigi’s name tattooed on his behind anyway. Yes, it covers up the regrettable Gaga tattoo he got when he was crushing on his former boss… But at least it’s a real one, unlike the Johnny tattoo Gigi has on her bicep. That one gets smudged by Cat when she hugs Gigi goodbye after deciding her job here in HeathenTown is done.

Now Johnny’s sad that it turns out Gigi just got a temp henna one while he got a real tattoo. Gigi explains that she was afraid to commit and needs more time to see their father/daughter bond grow. He rose to the test, yes but she’s really only ready to get a flaming dice tattoo on her lower hip right now. “Those are a lot of flames,” Johnny says, looking at the picture she shows him of her potential tat. We can almost see the flames rising around him as Johnny starts to experience the first pangs of what parenthood is really like.

This episode rocks a double dose of the usually singular parenting theme but stays funny and sexy still. In this sixth episode we’re starting to see cracks in the blossoming romance between Flash and Gigi while at the same time she’s finally admitting to doubts about her connection with Johnny. So, the honeymoon phase of Gigi and the band is officially over. The bloom’s off the rock n’ roll rose but thanks goodness the jokes keep rolling forth and every new character introduced is cooler than the last. Cat went back to Ohio but here’s hoping she shows up again this season because that double dose of parenthood really hit the spot under her cultivated care.

–Katherine Recap

Welcome Marc V. Calderaro to Fetchland. In addition to being a regular member of the Magic: The Gathering event coverage team he is a film critic, attorney, and is obsessed with fringe cinema. His first piece for us laments the passing of straight-to-video auteur David A. Prior — BDM

To most people, Tuesday was just another day. But to a very small community, August 18, 2015 was a tragedy. Legendary director David A. Prior passed away, after battling various health failures for a long time. He was 59 years old.

There’s earnest in the low-budget, high-concept genre rips off that graced the early video-store shelves—video stores who were starved for content, any content. Directors like Prior answered the market call for movies on tape, and delivered in spades. Since Prior’s first film Sledgehammer (1983)—the first “shot-on-video” horror film—Prior made flick after flick full of grit and grisly spectacle, all for the lowest production costs possible.

After continuing in the horror genre with Aerobicide (aka Killer Workout), in 1987 Prior made the film he’s most remembered for, Deadly Prey. Full of Prior’s regular tropes—a Vietnam vet haunted by the past, a group of baddies that underestimate the vet’s capabilities, a whole lot of violence—Deadly Prey became the pinnacle of the straight-to-video, Z-Grade action subgenre (Cannon Films were the pinnacle of the B-Grade). It has over-the-top dialogue, low-quality effects, and a veritable shit-ton of heart.

Deadly Prey was my entry way to Prior’s work. In high school, my friends and I trolled the flea markets for whatever VHS tapes looked the craziest. When we saw the Deadly Prey box staring back at us from the dollar bin, we knew we had a winner. And boy did we.

The film is everything you could ever want it to be. Shot in the Alabama woods as a stand-in for Vietnam and everywhere else required (as were most of New Jersey-native Prior’s films), it’s an obvious First Blood rip that cuts out all the boring parts, and has Prior’s brother, Ted Prior, rip the throats out of a bunch of mercenaries while spouting one-liners like, “You’re dead.” And yes, the same Ted Prior who was a Playgirl centerfold.

To this day, I have never scene a kill quite like when Ted Prior’s character, Mike Danton, cuts off an opponent’s arm, beats him with it, then scalps him.

Little wonder this film blew all of our little high-school minds, and furthered my deep obsession with auteur, almost-outsider filmmaking.

Prior went on to make tons of films including directing David Carradine in Future Force and Future Zone, Robert Z’Dar in The Final Sanction, Brigitte Nielsen in Watership Warrior (aka Hostile Environment), Pamela Anderson and Stacey Keach in Raw Justice, and plenty more. Prior has made over 30 films in total.

My personal favorite, one of Prior’s most underrated, is Night Wars. A Rambo-Nightmare on Elm Street hybrid, Night Wars tells the story of two Vietnam vets haunted by their dreams of the POW they had to leave behind. But their dreams seem to be more and more realistic, so they start going to bed armed to the teeth, attempting to save their fallen comrade from the Vietnam camp in their dreams.

There’s a sweetness to the crazy affair, and there’re are plenty of insane, joyful discontinuities. For example, while cutting between the dreams and reality, when the solider shoot in their dreams, they’re actually shooting their weapons in real life too, decimating the ceiling above them. However, the soldiers also throw grenades in their dreams. Where are the grenades going?

Oh, and look out for Grizzly Adams himself, Dan Haggerty.

Of all the niche film communities, 80s straight-to-VHS aficionados are among the fiercest. And to this day, Prior’s contributions are regaled throughout the world within our little group. Even as the internet has all-but subsumed the want of VCRs, the VHS tapes of David A. Prior are still passed along from person to person like a rite of passage. Copies of Deadly Prey still fetch high prices on Ebay, and are often hard to come by because no one who owns it wants to sell. Our high-school dollar-bin find is paying dividends.

Heck, Night Wars still doesn’t even have cover art on IMDB. His work is seems to stand defiantly analog.

David A. Prior is a large part of the reason I’m where I am today. And his untimely passing yesterday has hit me a bit harder than I thought it would. In a world of slick digitization, Prior is a testament to the grit of DIY filmmaking, being stuck in the past (even if that past haunts you), and the fact that with enough imagination, the Alabama woods can be just about anywhere in the world.

David A. Prior, you will be missed.

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “Go Shorty, It’s Your Birthday” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
Go Shorty, It’s Your Birthday. Jim celebrates Dave’s birthday instead of Jeannie’s, and Jeannie gets upset.

It’s Jeannie’s birthday and she says she doesn’t want anything. This is a sitcom, after all, so it appears that Jim’s biggest problem may just be that he believes her when she says this, though Jeannie seems sincere. The episode synopsis also seems to indicate this plot trajectory. So, strap yourself in for a hilarious birthday carnival ride. There’s a lot of funny here tonight.

Jim meets his BFF for their usual lunch at Katz’s and it turns out Dave shares a birthday with Jeannie. It’s a two birthday day for Jim! He’s dealing with opposites, though. Dave certainly does want a present and it turns out John Varvatos is having a sale! He also wants a party and isn’t shy about that either. After lunch Dave calls Jim over and over in seemingly two minute increments to ask about the party though Gaffigan keeps telling him nothing’s gonna happen on Jim’s account. Eventually Dave just ends up planning his own party in the Bowery Ballroom basement and inviting Jim. “No gifts! OK, well if you insist,” Dave says, not taking a breath between sentences.

The Gaffigan nanny, Blanca, brings a Dora pinata and birthday card for Jeannie when she comes to work that morning. But Blanca finds out quick that Jeannie really wants to pretend it’s not her birthday. So, they end up pretending it’s Blanca’s birthday for the sake of the kids, who pound Dora to smithereens until she’s just a giant head on a stick like a mammoth cartoon lollipop. This pushoff of her “special day” onto Blanca is an indication that Jeannie just might be sincere in her desire to pretend her birthday isn’t happening. She reinforces this antipathy of her own birthday later in the kitchen with Jim saying if he goes to Dave’s party she can more easily pretend it’s not her birthday, so he should go. Again Jim takes her at her word.

Then Daniel shows them an apartment – which Jeannie hates like always. While she’s out of the room, Daniel advises Jim to get Jeannie a gift. Daniel tells him to “Stop being the cliché of the fat ugly guy who knows nothing.” He lists a bunch of things Jeannie would love including a Cartier tank watch. Daniel knows the perfect guy to buy it from and gives Jim the info. So, Gaffigan buys it. But then when he gets home with it Jeannie asks if he “went against her wishes and got her a present.” So, Jim realizes she probably means it and decides not to give her the watch. Then Daniel sweeps in with sticky fingers and gives her that exact watch (literally taking it out of Jim’s hand) for a giftie and she LOVES it. On his way out, Daniel whispers that Jim wasn’t going to give Jeannie the watch anyway, was he? Grumble Grumble. Maybe. Possibly, OK, no. He also reassures Jim he’ll reimburse him the dinero for the present.

Dave’s birthday party bursts with tons of funny jokes and famous comics including Colin Quinn, underage girls that need rides home to Jersey, and Macaulay Culkin making yet another guest appearance. Fab one liners are dropping like it’s hot every second at the party where champagne is $100 a glass and it’s open bar – so partaking’s aplenty. On his way out Jim says goodbye to his glum birthday boy friend and finds out he’s also expecting Jim to pay for this lavish bash. Then Dave says, “This party sucked and you know what that means… the whole year’s gonna suck,” to which Jim replies, “Hey, look on the bright side. At least you’re not superstitious,” – just one of the many hilarious jokes in a fantastically fun scene.

But then Jeannie ends up bummed out at bedtime, a real crankypants McGee. Turns out, though, that it’s not because Jim didn’t get anything for her, though the episode synopsis would have us all expecting that requisite ending. No. She’s upset because her birthday signifies that they’re getting older and one day the kids will grow up and she’ll die and he’ll die… etc. It’s real truth time in the marital bed and thus on TVLand too. Then Jim cheers up his tearful wife with plans for his hilarious funeral and makes Jeannie laugh so much she forgets how sad she was. So, Jim gave Jeannie what she really needed for her birthday, a laugh.

It’s awesome that Jeannie really meant what she was saying about ignoring her birthday all along and somehow also perfect that the TV synopsis urges the audience toward a false inevitable conclusion. These things make it all the more an awakening at the end when we’re refreshed by a new way of ending this familiar tale of womanly birthday woe. The fresh and thoughtful writing on Go Shorty, It’s Your Birthday is exactly the antidote sitcoms need right now. This isn’t the same old BS sitcomland where women are manipulative beyotches that say they want one thing but really want another… and isn’t it freaking hilarious? Actually no, it’s hackneyed, boring, and misogynist to boot. And not all women are hypocrites, especially not Jeannie. She doesn’t want to die – just like the rest of us. Jeannie’s got real feelings and fears as if she were an actual human and not just some lame sitcom paper doll who wants one thing and says another. Fist pump to the Gaffigan crew for some uproarious jokes in this one too. This episode was yet another home run for The Jim Gaffigan Show.

–Katherine Recap

Fall TV season is almost upon us and for the first time in more than half a decade I am looking forward to the season premiere of The Good Wife after my wife and I completely devoured six seasons on Amazon Prime. Both the lovely KDM and myself had long dismissed the show despite the loud protestations from advocates for Julianna Margulies and partners. While there is plenty of old and new television looming on the horizon there has been some great summer fare to give my DVR something to do before we get into the Fall months of recording conflicts.

Hannibal: Red Dragon

Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that I have been a staunch advocate for this show since it started airing three seasons ago. At the time I was terrified it would be cancelled before the only hate-watchable The Following that starting airing during the same year. I won’t even get that much out of the show as the last handful of episodes are playing out on NBC over the next couple of weeks. In the end Joe Carroll got more episodes than Hannibal Lecter (although both shows are in streaming limbo for a potential fourth season) and while it is not on the same level of depravity as making Osso Bucco from the shanks of your enemies it is still a crime.

The last six episodes of this season are taken from Red Dragon, the first Thomas Harris book to introduce us to Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter. It is an odd departure from the first two and a half seasons of the show which all served as preamble to Lecter’s capture and Will Graham’s pursuit of The Great Red Dragon aka Francis Dolarhyde. The story has been told twice before in movies; once with Bryan Cox playing Lecter in Manhunter and the second time with Academy Award winner Anthony Hopkins reprising his role from Silence of the Lambs.

So far this has been my favorite of the three adaptations and — and this is going to be heretical to many — Mads Mikkelsen has ascended to the top spot of the three men to portray Lecter. In all his previous incarnations we only get to meet Lecter in prison first and are told his backstory. Seeing the backstory play out and building up the relationship between Will Graham and Dr. Lecter makes their consulting scenes in the asylum much more chilling.

What has been shocking about this final act of the show is how faithful it has been to the source material. The episodes leading up to this last half season have played fast and loose with the timeline for Lecter. They have taken elements of Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, and Hannibal Rising and strewn them about the build up to Lecter’s apprehension and incarceration. Once we arrive in the attic of Dolarhyde’s childhood home and the Red Dragon arc begins there is very little deviation. The trajectory of several characters in the earlier episodes leads to divergence in these remaining few; a rather arch Dr. Alana Bloom running the asylum being the most notable displacement of the book’s characters.

There is a nod to some of the differences when Hannibal won’t reveal how he and Dolarhyde are communicating and he jokes about personal ads and messages written on toilet paper, which was the method used in the book and in the first movie.

You can watch these six episodes without having seen the previous ones — although I strongly urge you to go back and watch it from the beginning if you haven’t seen it already. Bryan Fuller’s vision for the series is much more clear — albeit dark and twisted — than anything else that has been done with it in the past. Be warned that those episodes are particularly gruesome, I still cannot believe they were aired on network television, but always shot with a sense of purpose. The motif of serial killers as artists is hit upon time and time again and we see human bodies turned inside out and bent in unnatural ways to become totem poles, recreate scenes from works of art and literatures, and to become a human color wheel. If you are not squeamish it is well worth watching. Red Dragon has much less gore with the good doctor behind plexiglass although there are still a couple of episodes left and one Freddie Lounds still to be accounted for.

Mr. Robot

This has quickly shot up the charts into my top five shows right alongside the aforementioned Hannibal. There are just a couple of episodes left this season but USA Network has them all available online and they are well worth the investment of your time. The show is an unreliable accounting of events as told by the show’s antihero Elliot Alderson a security consultant by day and a hacktivist by night. He is also a morphine addict and suffers from an antisocial personality disorder.

Elliott is drawn into the web of an hacker terrorist organization called fsociety by Mr. Robot, played by Christian Slater who may or may not be a product of Elliott’s drug addled imagination. After watching the first episode of the show I called it a mix of Heathers, Fight Club, and The Conversation. The first two have been used extensively to describe the show but the paranoia of The Conversation (or Enemy of the State for you young ‘uns) is thoroughly steeped into every second of this show.

Twitter exploded after the most recent episode and I don’t want to reveal too much but if you do not watch this soon you will find yourself on the wrong side of the Ned Stark is dead (oops!) discussions as this show becomes one of the most buzzed about between now and the start of Season 2. As unlikely as Hannibal seems on NBC this seems even more unlikely on USA Network the home of the frothy Suits and Royal Pains. This seems more likely to have languished anonymously on Sundance for a couple of seasons.

There are plenty of great character performances throughout the season but Martin Wallström and Stephanie Corneliussen are threatening to steal the show as the Machiavellian power couple striving to get Wallström the CFO title at Evil Corp. Oh yeah, since we are relying on Elliott as our narrator whenever anyone refers to the conglomerate at the heart of the show’s conspiracies it is simply called Evil Corp. Just trust me and watch the first couple of episodes and get all caught up before Ned Stark’s head hits the basket.

Show Me a Hero

I watch a lot of television and yet somehow I missed out on David Simon’s Treme when it first aired on HBO. I consider The Wire to be at the very pinnacle of TVs accomplishments but I was not ready to wade into Treme until recently. I am halfway through and it has cemented David Simon as someone who will always get my attention when he has something that makes it to the small screen.

I was pretty excited to watch the first episodes of Show Me a Hero, a six part miniseries that he created from the book by Lisa Belkin (which I have not read but will remedy shortly) starring Oscar Isaac. The show is classic Simon as it follows a handful of ordinary people played by extraordinary actors through their lives in the late 80’s Yonkers. When we pick up the story the town had already been embroiled in a years old court case about integrating affordable housing into the white, blue collar community that is terrified and angry about their property values.

Oscar Isaac, who reminds me of a young pre-Hooowaaah! Al Pacino, plays Nick Wasicsko who ascends to become the mayor of Yonkers by taking a populist position against the federal push for integration. Once he gets there he must cope with the reality of the federal court’s mandate which includes the potential of bankrupting fines. When he switches his position to save the city from the financial hardship of being in contempt of court he loses the love of the people and reinvents the White Russian as a cocktail made from Stoli and Maalox.

The two episodes also followed the lives of multiple Yonkers residents on different sides of the struggle. It is reminiscent of the middle seasons of The Wire that focused on the travails of teachers, stevedores, and newspaper columnists as much as it did the cops and drug dealers who shared their city. Which is basically the highest recommendation I can give a show.

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Doctor Doctor” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Doctor Doctor Gigi insists the entire band see a noted musical therapist.

Queen Bee, Gigi declares that the band needs to see a shrink and thus gets an appointment with a shrink who’s healed the psychological scars of all the most screwed up rockers: Aerosmith, Roger Daltry, Kings of Leon, and Pete Townsend. The Assassins poo poo the whole idea while also walking toward the session to give it a shot – mainly because Gigi insists. She’s got the band by the balls… and Flash by that whole bodily region.

“A box of yesterday’s rain will heal today’s spiritual wound,” says the band’s new therapist, Dr. Bell (Griffin Dunne in a hippie wig), an actual psychiatrist and new-ager in socks, sandals, and the lotus position. After the requisite eyeroll, the Assassins immediately start bickering. Then with a deep resounding mantra that fills the room with his, “Ahhhhhhhh,” Dr. Bell assures the band he can heal all their issues by starting with individual sessions. They begin right away.

Each session with the shrink encapsulates the characters brilliantly in just a few moments of talking. Gigi pours out her truth – heart and soul – full of sweetness and vulnerability. She’s the real deal to the point that Dr. Bell ends up hitting on her. Ava gushes about Steven Tyler, specifically his perfect butt and how his lips are like a vagina on his face. Flash asks how old Dr. Bell thinks he looks – mid to late 30s? Johnny just falls straight into REM sleep on the therapy couch. And Bam Bam, the drummer delves into father issues along with lists of his favorite foods. Everybody’s getting their therapy on.

As a next step Dr. Bell gathers them in a circle for an egg ritual. Each egg represents a band member and they must pass them one by one around the “family” circle. If the egg breaks then the band/family member breaks, is the idea. But they never even get to pass the eggs around… breaking them all into a yolky mess on the floor before even having a chance to try handing them to each other. The next ritual involves them each doing a solo performance in front of the band. Ava does a sexy-ukulele-rollerskating-in-a-bathing-suit-and-knee-socks song that was definitely The BEST and almost convinces them to integrate ukulele into The Assassins repertoire. Speaking of being the best, Dr. Bell plays a mind game with Gigi and Johnny where they get uber competitive with each other. At the end Father and Daughter find out neither of them can win this way because “You win by talking and sharing with each other,” Oh Snap! They didn’t even attempt to do that part.

At their next band meeting Johnny takes Dr Bell’s advice about making amends and finally apologizes to Flash for sleeping with his wife decades ago. Everybody starts to wonder, for a moment, if maybe the therapy IS working. Then Ava takes the floor and gets to some deep authentic truths, though. She points out that Flash’s wife slept with everybody anyway. Then she calls Dr. Bell Yanni – an apt description. Ava declares that any great rock band works as a dictatorship and thus what matters in the Assassins is what their true leader wants. Because Gigi is Queen now, her desires are truly the band’s best interests.

People pleasing drummer, Bam Bam then talks fervently about recovering from his food addiction to assuage the now-stressing-out Dr Bell/Yanni… but then a pizza delivery guy comes with a pie for him, “You were supposed to call so I could meet you in the alley out back!” Bam Bam cries. Thus the intensely codependent Dr. Bell loses his shit. He calls the band a “symphony of narcissism. The most effed up band in the History of Rock n’ Roll.” Whoop, high five guys! They ride the high of winning that position in the History of Rock straight to the recording booth and lay out a new song.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “Super Great Daddy Day” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
Super Great Daddy Day. When Jim mixes up a drawing with a school application, he and Jeannie hope that no one notices.

Jim wants to have a special Super Great Daddy Day with the kids but it turns out that means eating a fudgsicle in bed alone with the door shut. Then Jeannie gives him a list of errands entailing a variety of kid item dropoffs: birth certificate to the priest, cupcakes to a teacher, and a school application to fancypants academy.

Working his way slowly into the realm of responsibility, Jim stops off at a cafe with barista Macaulay Culkin to help his buddy Dave get out of a girlfriend jam. Yes, that was Jim’s girlfriend at the club last night with Dave. Yes, he is married with tons of kids. Yes, his wife is an abusive drunk who beats him. Yes, that’s why his face is so puffy. An eavesdropper at the counter nearby tries not to be horrified and Jim puts her in her place. Yes, it IS actually none of her business.

Then Jim brings cupcakes to Janeane Garofalo, his son’s teacher, and she gives him a drawing from class. His son drew Jim’s penis and though he’s resistant to even taking it, Garofalo tells him to “display it with pride” at home. So, he dutifully tucks it into his jacket pocket. Afterward Gaffigan drops off his daughter’s elite school application with a doorman who saw him perform once at Gotham Comedy Club. The doorman tells Jim how his wife had been insulted at the show when Jim didn’t respond kindly to her heckling. Jim explains that heckling is frowned upon but the doorman insists it’s a prerequisite for comedy shows – like the two drink minimum.

Gaffigan drops off the birth certificate with the priest and then, happy he’s finished with Jeannie’s errands, Jim returns home to another fudgsicle. Then Jeannie figures out he actually gave the drawing of his penis to the school rather than their daughter’s application. It’s an all girls Catholic school… the most prestigious one in Manhattan. Jim’s penis won’t exactly fit right in.

So, Jeannie brings the application over to the school with the hope that the drawing somehow won’t be noticed or mentioned in their interview at the school the following day. At least they have the application now, she figures. The interview is cooking along well until the interviewer probes Jim’s declaration about loving paintings and he starts to spiral out of control rambling about how he prefers “the blurry ones”.

The interviewer mentions a perplexing extra tucked into the application, sending terror up Gaffigan spines, but it’s actually just the birth certificate Jim had accidentally dropped off. So, no biggie! Just the birth certificate! Yay! Then as they’re riding the peak of their relief wave, Jim gets worried when the assistant to the interviewer happens to be the horrified eavesdropper from the cafe earlier. But the interviewer tells them they’re golden and their daughter’s getting in. So, when they leave it’s totally high five time.

Just as they step out the school door the doorman’s wife is suddenly there at the school entrance – ready for vengeance – or at least an apology from Jim. It’s time for a beatdown, baby! A serious scramble of cursing and flailing arms ensues… Unfortunately, the Catholic school interviewer watches from a window above and her assistant now knows it’s time to tell her boss some real truths about why Jim’s face is so puffy.

This episode of #GaffiganShow was already the best ever at this point in the story. Major zingers landing every minute and hilarious hijinx crammed out the wazoo… but still more laughs await because remember there’s still the missing drawing of Jim’s member… where is Jim’s penis now? In the last scene of Super Great Daddy Day the Gaffigan family is at church where the priest raves about a drawing he received from parish member Jim Gaffigan. It meant a lot to him – such a touching and symbolic portrait that depicts a tiny tower at the the center of a brown wheat field. The priest loved the picture so much he made it the front cover of the church newsletter, to the horror of his teenage acolyte, starts handing it out to the parish – as Jim swiftly flees out the back doors of the church.

Super Great Daddy Day is packed with such tightly woven wisecracks, it definitely ranks as the best Jim Gaffigan Show yet. Every season TV shows select one episode to send to the Emmy committee and this would be Gaffigan’s perfect pick. There’s a fantastic one liner or gag every minute. This is a show that really satisfies, a classic in the making. Feel like laughing? Get this one on your DVR.

–Katherine Recap

[For True Detective‘s “Omega Station” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

HBO Summary:
Omega Station Frank, Ray, and Ani weigh their options as Caspere’s killer and the scope of corruption are revealed.

Midway through this finale episode Frank Seymon says, “Everything’s ending. Time to wake up,” and you’d better if you want to keep up with the action, intrigue, and details that comprise this last ninety minutes of True Detective Season Two.

The finale opens on the after-sex-cigarette conversation in bed with Bezzerides and Velcoro. They share their deepest and darkest so we know it wasn’t just physical fun between them. No sirree. They’ve fallen into the well of longing together and somebody actually found love through the travails of True Detective.

Next we’re in a train station where Frank’s lecturing his wife on how they can’t work. No kid. No us, he explains. Jordan replies “Fuck your martyrdom,” she’s not giving up on them as a team. But our team might as well be the Mets, we’re never gonna win! OK, he doesn’t really say that but that’s the basic deal. Seymon says Nails will take care of her in Venezuela. Two weeks hiding out in South America, Frank explains, then he’ll be there with her. “Wear a white dress,” he instructs. She tells him to wear a white jacket. All this seems a bit odd since one can only assume they’ll recognize each other regardless of which matching Fantasy Island ensembles they wear… or maybe it means something more. This is True Detective, after all. Symbolism.

On to a shot of Woodrugh’s body with Lieutenant Burris standing over him and calling in the death to Velcoro even though he also happens to be the one that shot and killed Paul. Ray suddenly becomes psychic and intensely confrontational, saying he knows Burris was involved in the diamond theft. After Ray hangs up with Burris he tells Ani it was Burris that killed Woodrugh. Somebody must have slipped the ring power on his finger or a crystal ball up his butt because at this moment he also realizes that the photographer at the movie set was the little boy at the diamond theft. Thus they’ve found the pair of kids who lost their parents – Laura and Leonard.

Next thing we know, Ani and Ray find Laura handcuffed to a fireplace. She tells them she and her brother, Leonard, infiltrated the escort parties to get Tony Chessani and Ben Caspere back for the deaths of their parents. But then Len had gotten “carried away” when getting Caspere to talk and ended up killing him. Len handcuffed her there before heading out to kill Police Chief Holloway at the train station because Holloway was the main cop behind the diamond theft all those years ago. They get Laura’s testimony recorded and Bezzerides puts her on a bus to Seattle. Velcoro heads out to the train station and calls Frank to fill him in on the details.

Seymon throws down a duffle bag full of ammo and big guns onto a bed in the back room of the David Lynchean club. He tells the scar-faced hottie bartender he’s headed out of town and needs her help. Also, Velcoro and a woman are going to need safe passage to South America. She just nods knowingly, like ya do. Apparently Frank and Ray had helped her out over the years and she owes them both big time.

Ray goes to the train station and tells Leonard (who’s allegedly the blade AND the bullet) not to do it. Be the change you wanna see in the world, dude. Velcoro’s got a white cowboy hat on for subtlety’s sake during his pow wow with Chief Holloway on a bench in the middle of the station. The Chief’s like, who woulda thought you had a brain in your pretty head, Ray?

Then Leonard overhears Holloway say Laura was actually Caspere’s illegitimate daughter and this sharpens his furious blade. He leaps into action and stabs the Chief. Then Burris starts shooting from the wings and takes out Ray’s recorder – destroying it and any messages it may contain. But we’re not clear if it’s the one with messages to his son or the one with Laura’s testimony. It’s True Detective, so just pick whichever one seems more tragic to you at the moment. Meanwhile Bezzerides whisks Velcoro away just in time as the Chief shoots Leonard and a bunch of train station cops shoot and kill Holloway.

Bezzerides now listens to Frank’s lecture series on the importance of relationships in the bar’s back room full of beds, guns, and ammo. He asks her to talk to his wife in Venezuela. Then he convinces Velcoro to run away to Venezuela and says he’ll fund the trip. All Ray has to do is help him take down the Crystal Ranch money exchange – easy peasy. Then he tells Velcoro that Blake was the one who’d set up the wrong rapist guy Ray had killed all those years ago and that Frank himself took care of the guy, killing him in a not very nice way.

Bezzerides and Velcoro share a smoke on one of the back room beds and discuss the plan for running away to Venezuela. They hold hands which seems to be a sign that they’re going – Hope. Then it’s time for the Crystal Ranch showdown. Bezzerides finds Pitlor in his desk chair with wrists cut and sunglasses still on. Seymon and Velcoro take the bad guys by surprise, attacking the money exchange with gas masks and machine guns. Frank even gets to say a snarky farewell to Osip before killing him. It’s all so very tidy. Seymon and Ray collect the Crystal Ranch stacks of money and then have a parking lot goodbye chat – Velcoro’s white cowboy hat now noticeably absent. He calls Ani from the car, duffle bag full of money in tow and it’s Venezuela or bust, baby. Frank settles his deals with the diamond guy and the bakers. Everybody’s officially on the run now.

Ray take a last minute peak at his son through a playground fence and sees the special honorary badge in glass that says Velcoro sitting next to him at recess. He gives the kid a salute and leaves, proud. Returning to his car, Velcoro sees it’s wired with a transponder and there’s a black SUV nearby. Unable to remove the device, Ray drives away, knowing he’s being followed. Velcoro calls Bezzerides and tells her to take the files and recordings and go to Venezuela without him. So, now we know the recorder that got destroyed in the gunfight was the one with Ray’s messages to his son. Ray then tells the scar-faced bartender he’s not going to make it but to make sure Bezzerides gets on the boat.

He records a last message to his son on his phone but it refuses to upload, forever destroying our faith in technology to satisfy the need for human connection. Velcoro then abandons his car and the shitload of cash in the woods. He runs into the trees with machine gun-toting cops up his ass. Out of necessity, Ray ends up choosing a Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid ending for himself and dies among the redwoods – police machine guns blazing. His father see a news report that he was a fugitive, killed by a heroic tactical squad. Sadness reigns… until his wife gets those paternity test results and it turns out the fat redheaded kid was actually his son all along with a 99.9% level of certainty.

Seymon gets carjacked then takes a ride with some unsavory types pointing guns at every pore of his skin. They take him to a showdown in the desert where he offers up a million dineros in return for a knife in the back. The bad guys leave him in the dust with a grave all dug and ready for his tall and lanky bod. He wrangles his way across an eternity of sand to nowhere with a wound the size of Guam dripping buckets. The ghost of his hateful father and high school bullies mock him until finally, at the end of Frank’s story, sweet Jordan in the white dress gives him the bad news – he’s dead.

In the aftermath we see Tony Chessani become the Mayor of Vinci. Woodrugh gets his very own memorial highway and Catalast Group sets up a high speed rail in Vinci. So, now we know that was the corporation’s goal in buying up all the worthless land. In the final scene Ani, still in Venezuela, tells the whole sordid Vinci story to a hottie reporter who can give the all the dirty deets to the Times. She’s been staying with Seymon’s wife, Nails, and a baby that must be Velcoro’s. They’re on the move now, maybe back to the States. Unfortunately, Ani and Ray’s child can’t grow up to be President… because their baby boy was born in Venezuela.

There’s a mixed bag of audience emotion to sort at the end of True Detective Season Two. On the bright side, it’s satisfying to have all the loose ends tied up – a lot of people died and we know how it all transpired… once we finish parsing out the excel spreadsheet of villainous names that start with the letter ‘C’. Another positive is the perfect episode title, “Omega Station”. It’s not easy to place a consummate cap on a show like that and they do it well here. But in the True Detective tradition of not sticking to silver linings too long, this season felt like a bouillon cube that had the potential to be a full blown bouillabaisse. Why not just make it ten fleshed-out episodes rather than this red wine reduction of eight crammed to the hilt? This season was brought to you by minute rice. Yes, it’s still technically rice and it can even be good with the right accompanying meal – but risotto tastes a hell of a lot better and it’s just a more pleasurable experience overall.

–Katherine Recap