Hollywood

Mike (michaelj) poked me with 8 questions about last night’s Game of Thrones finale “Mother’s Mercy” (kind of like I did with the Jurassic World review the other day). This is what I thought. What did you all think?

I.
Was there any Bran sighting? Warg? Raven? Three-eyed Raven? Catching up with his old buddy Sam about dem old GTs sticking dragonglass into White Walkers? Been a whole season… Anything?

Zip.

Nada.

Nuthin’

Not even a raven. Although if you looked at any message boards after the episode there was a LOT of raving. As far as I can tell there are about four people left who will watch the show next year. We are headed into uncharted territory for next season. Maybe that is where Bran and the Raven are hanging out.

II.
Did Olly end up betraying Jon? I think the producers have done a bonzer job establishing first Olly’s devotion to Jon and then some substantial second-guessing with everything involving the Free Folk. Olly stabby stabby Jonny Snowy or what?

Please don’t ever say that again.

Olly did his best Night King impersonation and slowwalked from the back of the treasonous lot for maximum dramatics. This is also the reason there will only be four of us watching next season.

III.
How’s your temperature on Melisandre? Cold as the coming winter, hot as the Lord of Light, other?

I hate Melisandre. I hate her in the books. I hate her on the show. I hate her so much that I am colder than the coming winter toward her. Speaking of which…

Game of Thrones has been rough on my teenaged fantasies. Growing up — even though the show was already more than two decades old — there was no one hotter to me than Emma Peel from the Avengers TV show. She occupied a lot of my attention and, while she plays my favorite character from this season, Diana Rigg has made my old bones ache this season. And not in the euphemistic way.

IV.
To what degree were you cheering for Sansa before this episode and how has that changed given the season finale’s conclusion?

I hate Sansa in the books but I have really been rooting for her to rule over Winterfell on the show. She has endured a lot more on the show than she does in the books but I am looking forward to seeing where they take her next season (as I am sure the other three remaining viewers do as well).

V.
Are you happy with Brienne’s reduced role going North (relative to being the heavy Riverlands POV character in the books) or would you have rather she went the way of the Greyjoys entirely this season?

The one thing that I really hated in this episode was the whole candle in the tower bit which played a little too Three’s Company to me. We park her on the edge of Winterfell for the last month doing nothing only to have her look away to check in on Stannis making his doomed march on the Boltons. It just didn’t work for me and it was really frustrating because I have loved the show when they have made use of Brienne and this seemed wasteful.

VI.
I had read rumors production had to shut down a whole town to keep the Naked Cersei Church Walk under wraps. Did it happen? To what degree was it a satisfying moment (supposing it did in fact happen)? Or in the alternative… Cersei getting hers or what?

It happened in all of its excruciating glory. It was one of the most uncomfortable moments in the history of the show. My wife had to keep reminding me what a terrible, awful person Cersei is and that I should not feel bad for her. She was pretty upset about the scene because she contends that all the controversy about the Walk of Atonement was just a smokescreen to cover up the Jon Snow betrayal which she was not at all prepared for.

[Post Script: It turns out Headey “elected not to show all” for “Mother’s Mercy”. Whether it was because she was pregnant with a baby girl during filming or some other reason, this does not really change my reading, or Mike’s Game of Thrones Finale Review.]

VII.
Tyrene Sand and Bronn… Match made in Heaven, or match actually made in the dungeons of Dorne (or not a match at all)? Kingslayer did in promise Bronn “a much better girl” and how much better can you get than “the most beautiful woman in the world” who is also a deadly assassin?

He is totally sending her a raven with a casual “Hey, you up?” scroll as soon as he gets back to King’s Landing.

VIII.
This season has sped by like a bullet train! What was your favorite moment of the finale?

The finale totally snuck up on me. Watching these prestige shows is so much different than watching a network show. Something like The Good Wife takes up half a year to play out but this goes by in less than three months. But I am ducking the question. Favorite moment has to be Reek pushing Myranda over the rail. Rooting for some Theon redemption next season.

A lot like yesterday’s Jurassic World review Brian David-Marshall (bdm) sent me a set of questions to answer before tonight’s Game of Thrones finale. Sadly I didn’t actually finish all of them “before” the finale. Hopefully all these make sense.

I.
I don’t know about you but with the wholesale off-book slaughter we have been seeing this season I have no idea who will live anymore. If you had to bet on someone unexpected dying tonight who would you bet money on?

Meryn Trant. Of course they’re basically hitting us over the heads with Meryn Trant; but I believe he is still breathing in the books. Especially with the thin man missing his mussels murdering, Arya is going to owe the Many-Faced God (all the same to him, as I understand it).

[Post Script: Got that one but apparently off on the opinion of the Many-Faced God]

II.
What is your favorite map animation in the opening? I am a big fan of the coin rolling around Braavos.

I have always liked the animation and detailing on the Titan of Braavos.

III.
How much of an emotional roller coaster has Stannis been this season? What would possibly redeem him at this point?

Winning. Winning something. If Stannis takes Winterfell and liberates Sansa I think that would redeem him in the eyes of many viewers. You can’t imagine he wanted to sacrifice Shireen (and remember this is a guy who sent a shadow demon / spawn after his own brother)… He is way deep in “the ends justify the means” so I guess we’ll see assuming he puts up the dubya.

[Post Script: Well, I guess that’s not happening.]

IV.
Was the sacrifice of Shireen revenge on all the book readers for the Red Wedding?

I deleted everything that I had originally written here on account of it would end up looking pretty stupid. I guess the tv producers have a read on Melisandre and Stannis that is quite different from my read [from the books].

I would originally have said that no matter what we think of Melisandre in the abstract she is one of the only people that actually does any magic; who is to say what a terrible price magic costs in Martin’s fantasy universe? Look at what it cost Dany.

BUT!

I guess the sequence was meant to show Melisandre’s fallibility. Certainly all of this undermines my reading… TLDR: Yes? [I am a book reader]

V.
I would be scavenging everywhere for dragonglass and Valyrian steel. Why isn’t Jon Snow making a bigger deal about that. Doesn’t he know anything?

How much Valyrian steel do you think is loose in the Seven Kingdoms? The Lannisters are more-or-less the richest family in the West and they had no Valyrian sword until stealing Ned’s.

Jon clearly knows the value of dragonglass; but it doesn’t seem to me something they have massive stores of, ether. But anyway, I have it on good account that he knows nothing.

VI.
What book character are you most hoping to see in Season 6?

Barristan the Bold 🙁

I hated how he went down. They made such a big deal of Grey Worm saving him from having his throat cut so I assumed he was going to get out of the street fight all right. He is such a great character and such a great influence, so inspiring and so capable even in his old age…

Barristan the Bold 🙁

VII.
Drogon v. Indominus Rex?

I think that the field of battle matters a lot. If they’re tangling tooth and claw on the ground I think Indominus rex has got a huge advantage in speed and savagery; further Drogon at this stage is not fully grown. Indominus has razor-sharp teeth and claws, is lightning quick, and no regard for her own safety. On balance, look at how many spears Drogon took in the rescue scene last episode! Drogon isn’t really a great fighter yet and relies wholly on natural talent right now.

However if Drogon has got the higher ground, you know, way up high… I don’t see how Indominus has much of a chance. Indominus can’t even hide in the jungle like she does in Jurassic World; Drogon can just burn down the whole forest.

Overall I’d pick Drogon but it isn’t a sure thing at all. If Drogon gets too close he can end up with his wings shredded and that would be that.

VIII.
For the sake of non-book readers I am going to ask next question in code and give them a chance to avoid SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

When do you think we will see aetlynCay arkStay again?

I don’t. I assume that they’re just eliminating her life-after-life storyline entirely.

//

Given that I didn’t finish up my take before the Game of Thrones finale actually aired, armed with a little hindsight, I thought I’d weigh in on Cersei’s Walk of Shame.

My goodness how not-titillating was that?

Lena Headey is my favorite actor on the show and I’ve had a giant crush on her since her role as Queen Gorgo in 300. So given the usual angle of how Game of Thrones is shot and shown I had been looking forward to the scene (and to the show’s most despicable villain finally getting an ounce of punishment).

But man! That was rough to watch not fun to watch at all. I just thought how tough it must have been for Lena Headey herself (not thinking about Cersei at all). Maybe she’s an even better actress than I thought, but I got the sense that she was humiliated. It was so awful it made me forget for a moment how much Cersei actually has coming to her :/

In terms of the actual last scene, and how they shot what was pouring out of Jon, you know, near a giant fire… I am guessing we’re going to see the power of King’s Blood next season (one can only hope).

LOVE
MIKE

Yesterday I saw the mid-June summer spectacle Jurassic World.

Brian (bdm) asked me to answer eight key questions about Jurassic World and my Jurassic World experience:

I.
3D or not 3D?

I actually went out of my way to see the not-3D version. I’m not a huge 3D guy in general. 3D is hugely expensive plus I wear glasses already and so I have these awkward glasses-on-top-of-glasses experiences, for like two hours or whatever. Also I have a giant head. Also I can’t remember the last time I was actually impressed by the 3D-ness of a 3D movie over the regular version.

Anyway, I didn’t see Jurassic World in 3D.

II.
Maybe it is just me but all I thought about during the commercials was James Cameron’s Aliens and Paul Reiser’s character. Every time Bryce Dallas Howard said “corporate decided” or referred to a dinosaur as an “asset” I winced. How many movies had their DNA sampled to make this thing?

It’s funny you ask that but I didn’t really register Aliens. I was thinking more superheroes. I didn’t actually see Spider-Man 3 (and I guess no one else did, either) but Bryce Dallas Howard was Gwen Stacy in that; and Chris Pratt was Star-Lord in Guardians of the Galaxy; and I just got finished watching Marvel’s Daredevil on Netflix… Where Vincent D’Onofrio plays Kingpin!

To wit, I didn’t see Jurassic World as being derivative of any specific movie beyond the really superficial macro tropes of scientific progress sometimes being bad, corporations [always] being bad, and the Venn diagram overlap of the two together making for the odd [zombie apocalypse].

III.
Bryce Dallas Howard vs. Jessica Chastain…fight!

Jessica Chastain for sure. I wasn’t particularly sold on Bryce Dallas Howard in this one, actually.

IV.
Can Chris Pratt be a dramatic leading man/non-comedic action hero?

Probably?

Folks are capable of all kinds of stuff that we don’t necessarily peg them for up front. When you first saw Chris Pratt playing a portly loser on the first season of Parks and Recreation did you imagine he was going to end up a musclebound superhero?

Six months no beer. #GOTG Kinda douchey to post this but my brother made me.

A photo posted by prattprattpratt (@prattprattpratt) on Jul 6, 2013 at 11:06pm PDT

… You know, from just giving up beer?

Dan Schneider (the butt of every fat joke on Head of the Class thirty years ago) was declared “the Norman Lear of children’s television” by The New York Times. He went from being an overweight comic punchline on a middling situation comedy to a hugely influential tv guy and writer of Good Burger upon initial retirement.

In Jurassic World Chris Pratt wasn’t even that comical. He pulled off a largely straight implementation of the summer action star, and did so service-ably.

V.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE VISIT JURASSIC PARK AT THIS POINT!!!???

Jurassic WORLD Brian. “Jurassic World”, not “Jurassic Park”. Jurassic Park was a totally different amusement park that also happened to be situated on Isla Nublar, and also happened to feature genetically resurrected prehistoric monsters. Sure people died at Jurassic Park, but it is specifically stated in the movie that, say, wearing an original Jurassic Park t-shirt would be considered in poor taste.

This is twenty-two years later! To the customers at Jurassic World, riding a stegosaurus is no more novel than seeing an elephant at the local zoo. What kind of question is this (vulgarity and all)? What are you, the progress police?

VI.
Who wins in a fight, Indominus or Godzilla? Indominus or Iron Giant? Indominus or MechaIndominus?

For those who haven’t seen the movie yet, Indominus rex is the big danger of the movie; essentially a leveled up Tyrannosaurus rex. I hate to call her “the villain” of the movie, but she is certainly putting a lot of humans and other animals in danger.

Indominus rex can grow up to 50 feet according to Science Exposition Man early in the film; but the one running around the theme park is not yet fully grown. Even then, Indominus rex would only stand at about 18 feet tall. Godzilla (or Gojira to non-Philistines) was scaled to about 164 feet in the original 1954 film; as buildings in Japan actually got taller, future installments of the Godzilla franchise made for a taller monster (and even taller, say 400+ feet for American viewership given the larger American skyscrapers or suspension bridges). A Godzilla that is much smaller than the buildings around him is just less imposing. Point being, any version of Godzilla is much bigger than even a fully grown Indominus rex and can also expel some kind of crazy radiation dragon breath. Indominus rex has a keen head on her shoulders (and some cool abilities I don’t want to spoil) but I think she is just out-sized by even the classic 1954 Japaneze Kaiju.

The Iron Giant is 42 feet tall and also made of iron. We see Indominus rex messing up bulletproof glass and generally tearing up the furniture, but I am skeptical she would be well-suited in that pairing. I’d still pick not-Indominus on this one, while recognizing The Iron Giant’s kind heart might end up his undoing… You never know with these softies, made of iron or not.

And Indominus v. MechaIndominus? We’ll just have to wait for the sequel!

For reference:

VII.
Best reason to see the movie?

The movie certainly has its moments. There is a nice long sense of tension where you don’t know what will happen next. There are some leaps in logic you might have to just accept, but I was personally comfortable shutting off my skepticism for the purposes of a popcorn afternoon with the kids. I liked Jurassic World well enough and would generally recommend seeing it if you’re in the market for an action movie.

It was also somewhat thought-provoking, but maybe not in the ways it was originally intended. I think that the director wanted the movie to be about the dangerous or dehumanizing ramifications of consumerism, rampant greed, and progress gone amok… But it was really ultimately about the shortcomings of shortsighted or lazy individuals. Most of the disastrous moments in the movie, the times when something went wrong that could have been avoided would have been avoided if someone just dotted an i, crossed a t, paid attention at his job, had one fewer doughnut, or kept one fewer secret. The highly successful people — exemplified by Chris Pratt of course — were characterized by quick thinking and a willingness to take actions others would never be flexible enough to think of, on the spot.

But the BEST reason (as with any project involving Judy Greer) is that Judy Greer was in it. <3 a Judy Greer.

VIII.
Best reason to skip it?

I think if you are in the market for going to the movies, and for that matter going to a summer action movie, it is a perfectly sound choice. I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to see it if I weren’t. Heck, I haven’t even seen Mad Max: Fury Road yet!

LOVE
MIKE