Posted by Katherine Recap | TV

[For Scream Queens‘ “Pumpkin Patch” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:

Pumkin Patch Dean Munsch makes an announcement that impacts Chanel’s plan to throw a pumpkin patch party.

Cliff Wu, the fabulously renowned party planner helps Chanel plan her upcoming Pumpkin Patch party THE Halloween event of the season. Maroon 5 is in. Fergie’s also coming but Led Zepplin can’t make it because apparently one of them died in the 70s or something. Chanel’s beside herself over this tedious technicality because now guys might not show up to “her patch” “Guys need a legendary rock band!” She then decides the Chanels will go to the party as the wives of murdered presidents. Chanel, of course, will be Jackie O. Number Five (Abigail Breslin) has to be Mary Todd because she’s the loony one and then five threatens to leave… again.

Dean Munsch calls a meeting at Kappa and closes the campus for safety. Chad then gives a pep talk about how Halloween is the best night of the year because it’s the sluttiest. Shockingly, the Dean remains unmoved and maintains her cancellation of the sluttiest holiday. Chanel responds with an indignant community letter saying she’s still having the fabulous Pumpkin Patch party but now at 12:01AM on November 1st. So, technically not a Halloween party and within the Dean’s rules. Hester then approaches Chanel 5 about getting back at Chanel, turns out Hester’s a switch hitter… ahem double agent. They go to Jennifer (candle fan and lover of ants) and talk to her about voting for Zayday. This will lead to Hester as VP and thus finally terminate Chanel’s reign over Kappa. When Jennifer resists the idea they show her a stash of Diptyque candles (OMG these are premium grade!) haphazardly piled on the floor of Chanel’s closet. Jennifer cannot resist and agrees to their dastardly plan. Chanel then gets arrested and thrown in prison – presumably from their shenanigans. Let the revenge plan roll.

Meanwhile Zayday stands at the bottom of a basement trapdoor where the Red Devil peeks at her once in awhile in between Culture Club songs. He also sends things down to her in a bucket such as Kiehls products, like an artisanal Silence of the Lambs. Grace and Pete are on a mission to rescue Zayday and try to get Kappa to help them look. But the Kappa girls are too busy being sad about not having their slutty holiday this year and sniffing luncheon air from under a silver dome isn’t helping ease their pain. Then Grace goes to her Dad’s place and walks in on him in bed with Gigi. Grace pretends to get over it quickly and enlists the two of them to help her (and silent Pete) find Zayday. Chanel then gets released from prison by Chanel number 3 and “predatory lez” declaring them her true friends … for the moment.

Back at the Dean’s office, Munsch confides in Denise that she slept with Chad but it wasn’t that good. Turns out Denise also slept with Chad but it WAS good. They high five as Grace enters with Pete the puppy dog, Gigi and Wes, all claiming to care about finding Zayday. Dean Munsch points out that she’s already hired Denise to find the missing girl and Denise is perfect for the job because she remains convinced that Zayday’s the killer. Munsch then appears to have her tender heart crushed at the realization Gigi and Wes are “a couple” now. Chanel then finds Chanel 5 in her closet and confronts her with the dirt she got from the double agent antics of Hester and Jennifer who apparently really are playing both sides of the Kappa drama. She declares number five’s punishment – place candles in the outdoor pumpkin patch lanterns so they’re ready for the party at 12:01. Five says she’s being sent to her certain death because of the curfew but Chanel insists.

Back at the search party Gigi has a suspicious amount of knowledge about the House at Shady Lane but nobody notices. Although, Grace tells Wes she’s fine with him and Gigi hasn’t he noticed she seems a little mentally off? Gigi lets them know she heard that comment just to add fuel to the already blazing bonfire of awkwardness between them. Then Chanel 5 gets frat boy brothers Roger and Dodger to help light the jack o lanterns but who shows up next? Mr Red Devil, of course, this episode has been crying out for some morbidity. He chases them into a snow-filled maze that’s exactly like the one from The Shining. The brothers, Roger and Dodger, choose now to tell Chanel 5 she has to choose one of them because they’re both in love with her and this – signifying their imminent death – is the moment of truth. Then they all use the same trick the little boy in The Shining did and walk backwards into their tracks but, unfortunately, this gets Dodger (the one she didn’t love) killed.

Next we see the search party entering a spooky, dark basement. But, typically, Denise forgot the flashlights so they’re searching in the dark. It turns out to be the Red Devil’s workspace inside – with masks and various red accoutrements galore. Grace discovers the trapdoor to Zayday just as Denise and Gigi find a torture chamber that “smells like booty” filled with a range of red tools. Then the lights shut down out of nowhere and we’re in night vision goggles mode, seeing the two of them struggle as the Red Devil watches and starts up the chainsaw. Somehow Gigi tases the Red Devil. Then a thrilled Denise reports back to Grace, Wes, and Pete – stopping for a minute to sip some red wine in celebration – and while she’s gone the Red Devil somehow gets away under Gigi’s watch. Interesting. Wes then calls the cops and the search party ends up empty handed yet again. No Zayday and no Red Devil, though they did appear to get darn close with that taser.

Back at Kappa house Chanel holds an emergency election for the new Kappa president. It’s the only way she can get her mind off the Pumpkin Patch party cancellation disappointment. Darn that Dodger for getting killed and ruining her party plans. But Chanel’s foiled something fierce when who is coming down that spiral staircase? It’s a perfectly fine Zayday, better than ever, actually because she’s well-groomed and rested from her time away. Zayday tells them how the Red Devil brought her up from the basement, gave her red roses and her favorite snack, Oakland Nachos. Then (apparently ungrateful) Zayday stabbed him in the hand and escaped. Chanel, who’s unimpressed with this tale, announces that they’ll go forth now with the vote for president and we’re left with that Kappa cliffhanger.

Then Gigi and the Red Devil have a meeting in a quiet corner on quad and she tells him “That got outta hand,” and, “He’s gotta go,” then, “Do you understand me?” all to which the Red Devil nods obediently. Gigi leaves him to go on a “salad date,” which was how she described her pre-sex date with Wes. So, we don’t know if this gentleman that’s “gotta go” is Wes or if the salad date is with him this time too… but there are few other contenders. Pete’s barely a character and more like Grace’s binky or pet at this point. Who else could Gigi be talking about? The only guy we pretty much know it’s NOT is Chad because he was absent the whole episode after his failed slutfestival pep talk.

So, tonight’s guess for who the killer is: Chad Gigi just might be the only woman on campus he hasn’t slept with yet – a perfect motive for him to do her bidding. Chad is all about the wiener, after all.

–Katherine Recap

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