[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Doctor Doctor” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]
Doctor Doctor Gigi insists the entire band see a noted musical therapist.
Queen Bee, Gigi declares that the band needs to see a shrink and thus gets an appointment with a shrink who’s healed the psychological scars of all the most screwed up rockers: Aerosmith, Roger Daltry, Kings of Leon, and Pete Townsend. The Assassins poo poo the whole idea while also walking toward the session to give it a shot – mainly because Gigi insists. She’s got the band by the balls… and Flash by that whole bodily region.
“A box of yesterday’s rain will heal today’s spiritual wound,” says the band’s new therapist, Dr. Bell (Griffin Dunne in a hippie wig), an actual psychiatrist and new-ager in socks, sandals, and the lotus position. After the requisite eyeroll, the Assassins immediately start bickering. Then with a deep resounding mantra that fills the room with his, “Ahhhhhhhh,” Dr. Bell assures the band he can heal all their issues by starting with individual sessions. They begin right away.
Each session with the shrink encapsulates the characters brilliantly in just a few moments of talking. Gigi pours out her truth – heart and soul – full of sweetness and vulnerability. She’s the real deal to the point that Dr. Bell ends up hitting on her. Ava gushes about Steven Tyler, specifically his perfect butt and how his lips are like a vagina on his face. Flash asks how old Dr. Bell thinks he looks – mid to late 30s? Johnny just falls straight into REM sleep on the therapy couch. And Bam Bam, the drummer delves into father issues along with lists of his favorite foods. Everybody’s getting their therapy on.
As a next step Dr. Bell gathers them in a circle for an egg ritual. Each egg represents a band member and they must pass them one by one around the “family” circle. If the egg breaks then the band/family member breaks, is the idea. But they never even get to pass the eggs around… breaking them all into a yolky mess on the floor before even having a chance to try handing them to each other. The next ritual involves them each doing a solo performance in front of the band. Ava does a sexy-ukulele-rollerskating-in-a-bathing-suit-and-knee-socks song that was definitely The BEST and almost convinces them to integrate ukulele into The Assassins repertoire. Speaking of being the best, Dr. Bell plays a mind game with Gigi and Johnny where they get uber competitive with each other. At the end Father and Daughter find out neither of them can win this way because “You win by talking and sharing with each other,” Oh Snap! They didn’t even attempt to do that part.
At their next band meeting Johnny takes Dr Bell’s advice about making amends and finally apologizes to Flash for sleeping with his wife decades ago. Everybody starts to wonder, for a moment, if maybe the therapy IS working. Then Ava takes the floor and gets to some deep authentic truths, though. She points out that Flash’s wife slept with everybody anyway. Then she calls Dr. Bell Yanni – an apt description. Ava declares that any great rock band works as a dictatorship and thus what matters in the Assassins is what their true leader wants. Because Gigi is Queen now, her desires are truly the band’s best interests.
People pleasing drummer, Bam Bam then talks fervently about recovering from his food addiction to assuage the now-stressing-out Dr Bell/Yanni… but then a pizza delivery guy comes with a pie for him, “You were supposed to call so I could meet you in the alley out back!” Bam Bam cries. Thus the intensely codependent Dr. Bell loses his shit. He calls the band a “symphony of narcissism. The most effed up band in the History of Rock n’ Roll.” Whoop, high five guys! They ride the high of winning that position in the History of Rock straight to the recording booth and lay out a new song.