[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Because We’re Legion” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Because We’re Legion Greg Dulli sets Gigi up with a well-respected producer from the West Coast.

Gigi breaks up with Flash in the first scene of the Season Finale for how insensitive he was when he didn’t protect her from the record company trying to selling her bod and ignore her huge talent. Johnny sits smug and righteous about this right up until Gigi’s phone rings and it’s Johnny’s eternally sworn nemesis Greg Dulli calling. Since episode one Johnny has ranted and raved about how Dulli ‘stole his vibe” back in the early days of Johnny’s career. It’s been his rationale for failure ever since he first faltered onstage all those years ago. Dulli’s doesn’t get involved with Gigi beyond phonecalls, though. He sends the Assassins a Vibe Advisor who’s flying in from LA to help them fix their vibe and write current hits/ future classics. Gigi takes charge – like she does – and says this is happening no matter because it’ll help the band succeed. So, Johnny’s gotta get Rehab and Bam Bam back into The Assassins to complete their ensemble.

Johnny and Flash sit down with the infinitely helmeted duo at a negotiation table for a hilarious scene of misunderstandings and general ridiculousness that ultimately ends with a reunited Assassins. Immediately after the band reconnects in the recording studifor a battle about which Beatles they all are. Ava declares herself Not Yoko and Gigi follows up on that by saying, “Well, I’m certainly not Linda, I can actually sing!” Then their Vibe Advisor, JP suddenly shows up a day early and crashes their Beatles battleground, silencing the sillyness. JP turns out to be Rob Morrow, seemingly in town for a Northern Exposure reunion with Jon Corbett, who plays Flash. JP explains that he likes to come earlier than schedules to catch clients off guard and get an authentic initial read on their vibe. It must work because right away he’s got a crystalline picture of the band, pointing out that Ava and Johnny have been together forever, that Gigi and Flash just broke up, and that Johnny and Flash are a massive, festering heap of emotional issues.

Going forward in his Vibe Advisory role, JP cultivates massive quantities of sexual chemistry with Gigi and flaunts it in order to inflame Flash’s sexually spurned angst. JP also surreptitiously listens in on the band’s secret whispering and finds out that Ava and Flash slept together way back when as revenge after Johnny and Flash’s wife cheated. Gigi walks in on the end of their conversation about it and notes that they seem suspicious. They’re clearly nervous that she’s figured it out. So, when it’s just seconds before they’re about to record their newest song, Complicated, JP plants feisty seeds all over the studio. He tells Flash and Ava that Gigi knows they slept together then tells Gigi that they did – making it true. Because of all his pot stirring the already awesome song has a profound vibe on the recording. Tension apparently makes great music.

Complicated is so exceptional that Sub Pop is ready to sign a recording deal with them including money to assist them in writing more songs for an album. But then Sub Pop pulls out because that perfume deal Rehab and Bam Bam made with Gigi’s song What’s My Name backfired into loser town. The commercial turned out to be for vaginal itch spray and it’s playing on a nationwide TV loop. Thus, The Assassins are just not cool and edgy enough for Sub Pop after all. The Season (possibly Series?) Finale then concludes with Gigi and Johnny leaving the studio with Ava and Flash left behind to rewatch the vaginal itch commercial together.

The refreshing elements of the show hopefully can keep it alive for a Season Two but there’s still no decision on this prospect as of the Season One Finale. The show’s first season with all plotlines up for grabs and an anything-can-happen question festival when it comes to the stakes of the show. Will the band ever be unified and happy? Can they make it big? What about solo careers? Are Flash and Ava rekindling a romance? Will Gigi date every man over forty in the music business? Though certainly not cliffhanger material, it’s cool that this is a season that ends with ellipses rather than a period. Tons of possibilities with these characters and storylines lend a sense of promise for even more laughs the future. So Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll is certain to be a hilarious ride if FX rolls forward with another season.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “Maria” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
Maria. When Jeannie’s baby sister goes on a date with Dave, Jeannie and Jim are determined to follow them.

Sitting in Katz’s, the same place where they eat lunch every single day, Dave explains to Jim that he dumped his girlfriend out of boredom with the same old thing day after day. Just then, Jeannie’s younger sister, Maria, visiting from out of town, drops by to pick Jim’s baby up from him. To Dave’s delight, Maria’s his “favorite kind of girl, beautiful AND from out of town.” Just so happens that Maria also just broke up with her boyfriend and whoopsie, next thing you know Dave is breaking his cardinal rule of never visiting Jim’s germ-ridden, kid-filled apartment. So, that way he can get to officially meet Maria, who left pretty quickly with the baby at Katz’s. Maria thinks Dave’s cute and then he invites her to his show that night and things are spinning into a pheromone frenzy right before Jeannie’s horrified eyes even as she pushes Dave out the door of their apartment.

Jim makes a special trip to Dave’s pickup bar where he’s in the process of convincing an ex to give him another chance. But just as she agrees to give it a shot Jim approaches damning Dave for hitting on Maria that very morning. Thus, another one bites the dust for ladies man Dave. Then Jim gets him to agree to not ask Maria out again, for Jeannie’s sake. Dave gives Jim his WORD he won’t.

The next morning Jeannie awakens Jim with his favorite breakfast; a toasted everything bagel with cream cheese from Russ & Daughters, an iconic NYC establishment. She holds it under his nose so he can relish the amazing aroma. But just as Jim is really awake and ready to reach for it, Jeannie cuts it into little pieces and flushes it down the toilet right in front of him. Jim declares her a psychopath… however it turns out she’s responding to the fact that she just found out Dave has a date with Maria. Apparently they hooked up on Facebook overnight and will be going out to dinner this very evening. The horror. The horror.

That night Maria’s dress is ultra skimpy and Jeannie’s expression’s completely aghast. After her sister leaves for her date with Dave wearing what appeared to be only the lining of a slip dress, Jeannie bursts into action. She forces Jim to abandon his beloved Chicago deep dish pizza, now cooling on the counter, to join her in a sister-on-a-date-with-Dave stalking mission. That Gaffigans are now officially on The Mysterious Case of Maria, Dave, and the Ultra Skimpy Dress. They follow behind the tawdry couple to the restaurant, leaving Blanca behind to watch the kids along with a completely vulnerable and unprotected Chicago deep dish.

Jim and Jeannie watch the couple from across the restaurant while Jim shovels linguine into his yap and Jeannie wrings her hands that she can’t hear anything. She just knows Maria hates Dave and must be having a horrible time, though. She has to be! Suddenly, Maria and Dave leave – barely escaping detection from the crackerjack Gaffigan duo of detectives only a few tables away. Jeannie and Jim miss their entire exit and have to get the scoop from a nosy table sitting slightly closer to the couple. That table’s busybody lady dishes to the Gaffigans that Dufus Dude and Girl in the Hooker Dress went to Bowery Ballroom.

The mission now back on track, Jim gets the rest of his linguine to go so he can eat it while walking. With Law & Order transition music and location markers onscreen to note each place, the Gaffigan detective duo follow Maria and Dave to several hopping late night NYC locations. Thanks to bartenders and clubgoers with impeccable memories and professional level facial recognition, everybody remembers Dufus Dude and Girl in the Hooker Dress. These witnesses even know exactly where the couple were going next – just like in Law & Order… Then as night slips into morning Jeannie and Jim run into Macaulay Culkin making yet another The Jim Gaffigan Show appearance exiting a strip club, his incredibly long hair somehow even longer than in the last episode.

When the Gaffigans get home that night they’re deflated – failed detectives after a prolonged chase through the sultry NYC streets. But who do they find crashed on their couch in comfy PJs? Maria! Right away Jeannie’s sister confesses that she made a terrible mistake that night. Jeannie stays big sister strong and refuses to admonish but won’t let Maria finish her sentence either. She’s too busy telling Maria how she’s an adult and her choices are her own. Then Maria explains that she actually came home right after the dinner with Dave and her big mistake was that she ate Jim’s entire deep dish pizza. Jeannie’s delighted with this news but Jim screams, “Whore!” Raising a pizza cutter to the ceiling with rage, Jim’s clearly filled with a profound yearning for revenge… and then Mariska Hargitay shows up to collar the killer of a truly special victim because it appears Maria got sliced wide open at the mercy of Jim’s deep dish vengeance.

Only one more episode of The Jim Gaffigan Show left this season. It will be sad to see it go and hopefully there will be more episodes for season two – eleven isn’t nearly enough Gaffigan! The great thing about this show is how guest stars and minor characters bring the show to a higher level and make it about more than just the Jim and Jeannie story. The cool NYC locations and colorful side characters make it feel fresh and alive, like living in the city while taking advantage of its color and multiplicity. That’s the magic of The Jim Gaffigan Show, it really knows its place and makes the audience feel like we belong there too.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Bastard Executioner‘s “Pilot” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Pilot. Wilkin Brattle, a warrior knight in the charge of King Edward I, trades his sword for a peaceful farming life — until the violence of his past finds him and forces him to pick up the bloodiest sword of all.

Have you been brushing up on your collected works of Shakespeare? Are you set up with tissues handy, prepared to shed an endless torrent of tears into your sad sack? Actually, you may want to invest in the family size box of tissues. A pack won’t cut it because The Bastard Executioner piles sacks of sadness on top of more sad sacks and so on and so on until an infinite abyss of sad sacks rolls with the credits. But hey, in their defense, this is 14th century England and it’s a safe bet that life pretty much sucked back then. In just one of many glaring examples of such realities, an initial scene introduces the Baron Ventris character grunting mightily on the toilet with his trusty butt cleaning assistant at his side, ready to wipe. Then two scenes later there’s a torture scene so gruesome you start think of Ramsey Snow (Ahem, Bolton) from Games of Thrones as a comedic character.

Wilkin Brattle, our main character, was a valiant warrior for King Edward 1st of England. After a horrific battle loss a child angel has Wilkin lay down his sword because Brattles “savior needs him to lead the life of a different man.” Then a few minutes later he’s sword-free and some sort of demon-dragon-type-fetus flies out of a dead soldier’s heart to attack him. Is Brattle dreaming? It seems so because then he awakens and life seems rather sunny all of a sudden with his glorious pregnant wife holding hands with him as they skip through meadows. It’s unclear if it was all a memory of what really happened. But what becomes crystalline quite soon is Wilkin’s intense need for vengeance on the English, specifically the Baron who rejoiced when Brattle and his men lost their battle against the Scots.

Meanwhile back at the shire, Wilkin works as a Che Guevara type, rousing the rebels and shooting flaming arrows at the taxmen sent to town by the devilish Baron. Then it turns out the scene with the angel and demon on the battlefield was five years ago but we never find out if it actually happened or was some sort of post traumatic delusion. The angel turns up again toward the end of “Pilot” but happens to appear alongside a character we know to be dead, so the jury is still out on the reality of the angel situation. Perhaps Wilkin represents a male Joan of Arc… the period for The Bastard Executioner is actually perfect for that to be the case because she was a 14th century warrior – just like Brattle.

The Baron who sent those taxmen with a mission to fleece the peasants of their pennies concocts his villainy alongside an advisor, Milus Corbett, (Vampire Bill from True Blood) a perfectly wicked right hand man. Meanwhile Baroness Lowry “Love” Ventris, the Baron’s mistreated wife empathizes with the rebels (her countrymen) while openly hating on Vampire Bill. After hearing of the attack on their tax collectors, the Baron and Vampire Bill ride out to the peasant village with their men in moonlight to seek revenge on the rebels. But when they get there it’s only women, children, and “useless elders.” So, they do as villains do and murder all of them anyway, including Wilkin’s pregnant wife, then burn their village to dust. But the corpses are somehow all still fresh and bloody on top of all the ashes. So we’ll be sure to see every bit of the grisly gore along with the rebels when they return home the next morning.

Thus, at the midpoint of “Pilot” Wilkin returns to town to find his own circle of hell waiting. His wife’s disemboweled body with fetus hanging out lies in wait seemingly on display in the center of a town massacre. Brattle now has nothing to lose and, filled with fury, prepares to wreak vengeance. He digs up some swords and swears to avenge the rebel families. Joined by BFFs, Toran and Berber along his band of morbid, rather than merry, men they journey to the Baron’s castle. On the way they meet the mysterious mystic, Annora of the Alders, played by Katy Sagal in a hayfield. She considers herself destined to help them with blood magic and a hooded mute played by her real-life husband and the show’s creator, Kurt Sutter.

Annora gives Wilkin a plan to secretly infiltrate the castle by replacing the executioner. We already know it’s “destined” to work out because the current executioner just got only half his wage and blew out of town with a serious case of crankypants. Before the executioner leaves he makes sure to beat his wife and child because, you know, gotta keep the cruelty and heartache of the story on task. The Baron and Bill (OK, Corbett) hear the rebels are approaching their castle area so they suit up, jump on their horses, and ride out to greet them. In the ensuing battle of yet another ghastly sword and axe fight scene with blood spurting and limbs flying off bodies, Wilkin and the Baron clash swords face to face. Finally Brattle takes the Baron down, punches his lights out, and then one of his morbid men kills the Baron with a stab through the back of the skull.

Before he died the Baron stabbed Wilkin deep in the gut, so here’s where having the witch who can do blood magic comes in handy. Annora marks his face with a cross brand so it looks just like he’s one of the Baron’s men. Brattle wakes up bummed out like a teen with a zit on prom night when he sees that new cheek in his sword’s reflection. Annora tells him the plan to replace the executioner and he’s all like no way until she reminds him of the angel from five years ago. This is her ticket into his trust (how could she know?!) so he goes with her flow from that convo forward and pretends to be the executioner. For his first step on this mission Wilkin brings the Baron’s body to the castle. The issue immediately arises whether or not he’s actually the executioner so they bring out the guy’s PTSD suffering battered wife for proof. Luckily Brattle is hot as well as kind and gentle, so he immediately bonds with her. The executioner’s wife takes one look at him and just goes with it. She calls him “my love.” Wilkin is indoctrinated into the executioner’s family and career track just like that… and then later that night in the chapel the Baroness seems to like him too.

Corbett’s dismayed by this effect the executioner seems to have on the womenfolk and probably wonders why he doesn’t seem familiar given that Corbett is a high level castle official and the executioner works for him. So when Wilkin says he’ll be moving on now Corbett insists he stay and continue to work for the castle. Keep your enemies closer it would seem. This means Brattle will be a palace insider, yes. But it also means he’ll be forced to execute the very people he seeks to avenge, innocent townspeople, as his new job.

Then right before the end of the infinite episode, Annora’s mute talks. Hold on! The executioner is not an executioner and the mute’s not mute. Next you’ll tell us the bastard’s parents were happily married upon his conception… But then the last scene initiates Brattle into his role as executioner and he truly becomes one when he raises the sword and does the deed. He’s inspired to the macabre task after he sees the cross his wife wore upon her death on a man in the crowd. What Wilkin doesn’t know is that this was the man who spared his wife and the one who killed her is unknown, even to us. At this point the audience has only seen killer’s dagger and not his face.

The Bastard Executioner starts off wearying and weepy with little hope for redemption. Clearly the Baron dying didn’t do the trick, so how many men should Wilkin have to kill in order to qualify for actual vengeance accomplished? Also, isn’t he tipping the scales by taking this employment which forces him to kill innocent peasants? Et tu, Robin Hood? So much carnage and brutality fly at us in this first bit of the show that we’re left with a raw, wounded feeling. It’s time for some hope around here in this renaissance festival of a town. Seems like their best chances for redemption in this story may come from the women characters, either Annora with her blood magic or Lady Love with her title as Baroness and empathy for the common man. That might be a reason to keep watching The Bastard Executioner but keep those tissues in tow just in case.

–Katherine Recap

Lots of Fetchland readers already subscribe to services like Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu Plus, or even Marvel Unlimited.

… Which begs the question: When you have access to an almost limitless plethora of entertainment options, which ones should you pick?

“What’s Free Wednesday” is a weekly Fetchland feature spotlighting something great to read or watch available on one or more entertainment services. “Free” once you’ve paid for it, if you grok 🙂

Up in the Air

Free on:

• Netflix

Up in the Air is a movie about mastery, specifically a man who’s mastered the art of firing people as well as the art of flying across the country to do so. But it’s also a story of vulnerability and the way it creeps up on those who think themselves experts at being invulnerable – those very same masters in their fields. So, who better to play the master of this universe than Mr. George Clooney? Nobody, that’s who. Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, a picture of efficiency both in the work of firing people and up in the air. The airport is his hometown and the actual plane his home; it doesn’t matter where because he’s happy in all of them and has created systems of comfort to keep it that way. He’s one of those speakers who inspires self-help conferences full of suits sitting at eternally long tables. He is a certified expert in his field – a dangerous position for anyone.

As they say, all things that rise must fall… and when you’re in a plane all the time it’s certainly a long way down. He loves the air up there, though it’s thin and cloudy with prepackaged politeness instead of human connection. And that’s just how Ryan likes it. He’d rather be anywhere than home at his sterile, empty apartment in Omaha where he spends the least time possible. Hotels are your true home sweet home, after all, when you measure happiness and success by frequent flyer miles. Thus, Ryan is a happy guy as long as he’s Up in the Air.

Enter Positive Ponytail Girl into Ryan Bingham’s world: The perfectly cast Anna Kendrick in her breakout role as Natalie Keener. She’s fresh out of college and knows everything about his industry that can be learned in a classroom. In fact, Natalie knows so much about Bingham’s business of outsourced corporate firing, she’s at Ryan’s company to revolutionize the entire enterprise. Her first order of business: grounding Bingham and all his coworkers. In other words, murdering his bliss. He’s horrified at the prospect of losing his 322 travel days per year / his greatest point of pride. If there’s one thing Ryan doesn’t want it’s actually living day after day in his barren apartment in Omaha. This man’s only truly alive Up in the Air. But if that’s Ryan’s weakness, all knowing Natalie has an even more glaring Achilles. She’s never actually fired anyone. So, her proposition for computer conference methods of terminating people in bummer Skype calls all over the world may just be a pipe dream when put into practice. At least that’s what Bingham sets out to prove upon hearing her plans for his company.

Meanwhile in his life on the road Ryan’s develops a connection (in and out of the sack) with Alex Goran (Vera Farmiga), a frequent business traveler who shares his particular joys and woes of loyalty cards, free cookies, and priority check-in. As they bond romantically and playfully awaken Natalie to the realities of business outside the classroom it starts to feel like Up in the Air may tiptoe into romantic comedy territory. But then Bingham is tasked with convincing his sister’s fiancé to marry her when the guy gets cold feet on their wedding day. Though Ryan’s a master at easing the bite of words like “termination” and “fired,” with softer terms like “career transition counseling,” when it comes to talking about marriage he’s downright klunky. He agrees that, yes, there is no point and it’s true and we do all die alone anyway. Then Bingham realizes he’s not in that room for his own sake, really, but for his sister. So, he locks into mentor mode and delivers just the speech needed to do the job. The wedding is on like Donkey Kong.

From this wedding forward surprise twists and turns shift Up in the Air away from weddings days and romance into everyday reality, sending Ryan’s proverbial plane into a tailspin. Even as Bingham hits the bullseye on many of his life goals, he finds himself preoccupied and barely participating. He made a real connection with both of the two women in his life, Natalie and Alex, to the point that they turned his plane around and his worldview shifted thanks to them. But does that mean Ryan will ever really land that plane land and become a changed man?

This is a smart and funny movie but it’s also refreshingly unexpected in many ways. Although Clooney is the star, Farmiga and Kendrick hold their own with distinct and unique characters at different ends of the spectrum. The three characters are equally significant to the story because they have such a powerful impact on each other. Ultimately, it’s a movie about making connections, whether at the airport, in the boardroom, or in the bedroom.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Take My Picture by the Pool” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Take My Picture by the Pool Gigi gets a huge record deal; Bam and Rehab quit the band to become uber-hip EDM DJs.

Gigi gets a $250K recording contract offer but the hitch is they only want her – no band. Although the record company doesn’t want the works they’ll do a deal with Johnny and Flash to write songs for Gigi – if Johnny gets a makeover. Unfortunately, “Bam is too fat and Rehab looks olds enough to be Frank Zappa’s dad.” It’s an easy decision for Gigi, the big break she sought is finally here. But devastating for Bam and Rehab who rant and rave that they’d never sell out. They’re artists! Time Out New York called them cutting edge! They have integrity! Etc!

Johnny heads out for some laser resurfacing treatments to meet his makeover contractual obligations while drinking the $5K bottle of cognac he found in the limo. Gigi’s new wardrobe consists of “glorified lingerie” thanks to the record company. She says, “I feel like a whore,” and Flash, who loves it, says, “OK, but a sexy whore.” Meanwhile Johnny looks like a wall street guy in his makeover-assigned blue blazer and frat boy hairdo. But on the bright side, Ava finds it sexually stimulating – right there in the dressing room.

Bam and Rehab are all about a quick comeback. They concoct a plan to DJ duo their way to fame. Their complex BeastCore scheme requires motorcycle suits and helmets along with kicking some serious funky jams behind turntables. Bam and Rehab can be much-younger-than-actual-reality DJs as long as they stay hidden behind those black shiny helmets. The models at the club grind to their hot BeastCore beats. So, Bam and Rehab are loving life even if it’s damn hot under those face mask helmets and full body suits that presumably they can never remove or be thus identified as “fat, old and undoable.” Then they also score one of their BeastCore tracks on a perfume commercial for some “major cash” and it’s NOT selling out because this time THEY are the ones making the choice to do it. It’s an artistic choice because they’re artists, see.

Meanwhile Gigi’s music video outfit is pretty much naked except for a bedazzled string up-the-buttcrack. There’s slightly more choreography than your typical stripper pole stuff but the worst part is the record company hides Gigi’s gorgeous voice behind unnecessary autotune. It’s explained to a protesting Johnny that, “You want the riches you gotta bring the bitches,” which is their cue to leave and abandon this whole record deal, $250K, selling out thing, right after Johnny sneaks a few bottles of that $5K cognac under his snazzy new blazer. Seems like maybe the band isn’t going to break up after all… But Flash isn’t in the winner’s circle with Gigi anymore because he was encouraging all the lingerie and explicit lyrics even as she protested. And now what’s the band going to do about losing Rehab and Bam to their new big-bucks-and-hot-models DJ lifestyle?

There’s only one episode left of season one and it’s still unknown if Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll will get picked up for a season two. It’s truly hilarious at times with cool characters and that trio of titillation established in the title. All great stuff. The only drawback is that it’s not really being marketed as a comedy – the ads and imagery on the show are mainly sexy stuff. Sure, it’s a sexy show but the real show lives in the laughs. There’s a great neverending conflict with Flash and Gigi getting together and breaking up to Johnny’s ever vacillating chagrin and delight. This coupled with the dysfunctional band dynamics and inherent family conflict keep the show delivering all sorts of emotional, financial, and sexual stakes and it’s FUN. No matter what happens with Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll, though, one thing’s for certain – Elizabeth Gillies, who plays Gigi, is definitely going places with that amazing voice and screen presence.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “The Bible” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
The Bible. After picking up a large Bible for Jeannie on the way to a show, the paparazzi photographs Jim.

On the way out the door to the comedy club, Jeannie asks Jim to swing by the church and pick up a gift from Father Nicholas. It’s a Bible the Pope blessed, a gargantuan book – biblical proportions, really – with shiny gold page tips. Jim has it on his lap sitting at the bar in the next scene at the club while he guffaws at Chris Rock’s naughty jokes. Then leaving the club a fan asks for a picture with Jim while he still holds the ginormous Bible under his arm. This picture ends up on the front page of HuffPo the next morning with a story about how Jim Gaffigan refuses to be “ashamed of his Catholicism.” His phone rings right after this revelation and let it be known that thus the Gaffigans are now invited to the White House’s annual prayer breakfast.

After his next show the following day, Jim’s approached by a pizza corporation looking for a spokesperson that “represents their values.” It’s a dream come true, a million bucks and all he has to do is represent values like church and family… ahem, and hating gays. Yikes. That last part sends Jim away – none the richer. But on the bright side, suddenly Jim has become THE celebrity Catholic overnight; Joel Osteen wants to take him to dinner, Richard Hawkins wants to debate him, and he even gets to make an appearance on The Daily Show. Unfortunately, Jim decides to try to “set this whole bible story straight” in the John Stewart interview. He calls his wife a Shiite Catholic, mentions that he’d asked for a garbage bag to hide the bible, and thus loses the love of all those pious red-blooded ‘Mericans in a mere two minutes of allegedly explaining himself. The Gaffigans are then uninvited to the White House, he loses a commercial he’d just booked, and uh oh, the phone’s ringing again…

The media goes tasmanian devil on Jim and he’s retreats to bed and wallows slugstyle in his own rapid deterioration of channel flipping. Even Telemundo channel is gossiping about him. His BFF, Dave gets on Rachel Maddow and deflects questions but does use the opportunity to promote his next couple shows. There’s even a rumor growing that Jim’s having an affair with his nemesis, Daniel the real estate broker and Jeannie’s best friend. “The real victim here is Jeannie,” Nancy Grace explains for us all with her usual black and white lack-of-logic. Just as his shame spiral is about to annihilate Jim’s will to live, he enters the denial stage of the grief process and decides to pretend none of this is happening – shake it off, baby. Dust off a donut and go. Jim puts on his trusty comedy cardigan and heads out to do a set at Gotham Comedy club. It actually seems like this could be working for awhile until… the crowd at Gotham turns on him. Then he’s running from the club and into the streets filled with angry mobs holding up various hateful anti-Jim signs, pitchforks, and torches. It’s a witch hunt and Jim’s the one in the pointy hat this time. The clutches of ferocious NYC groupthink villagers descend upon Jim as he backs into an alley corner, certain death and Jim-on-a-stick seems inevitably next.

But then the story shifts, the screen fuzzes a bit, and we find out the episode was all just the fantastical imaginations Jim concocted in the process of answering Jeannie’s request to pick up the Bible in the very first scene. It was all a dream – a mere vision of what could-have-been. So, Gaffigan just tells her he hasn’t got time to pick up the Bible and then leaves the apartment, whistling down the sidewalk to the club, free and unfettered. Ironically, it was the Bible that’s got him feeling grateful and happy. If it wasn’t for the good book, after all, Jim wouldn’t be so happy about not picking it up and thus avoiding the whole spectre of his own personal inferno.

Funny thing about this episode is the perfectly Trumpean timing to it. The story of a celebrity embroiled in controversy about making thoughtless remarks and thus throwing a media sh!*storm into the fan of public opinion. But here on The Jim Gaffigan Show we see the other side of such consequences – here in this TvLand it happens to a man who doesn’t get off on that kind of attention. Truth is that if all the events of this episode really transpired for Gaffigan he would sell so many books, iTunes bits, and merchandise that Jim could become whatever eccentric millionaire dude he liked. In fact, just taking that pizza sponsor deal was the beginning of just such a possible outcome for him. But Jim Gaffigan is a real person just like us, not some cartoon character crazy billionaire who lives for limelight; then will say anything to stay spotlit… and that’s exactly what we love about him.

–Katherine Recap

Lots of Fetchland readers already subscribe to services like Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu Plus, or even Marvel Unlimited.

… Which begs the question: When you have access to an almost limitless plethora of entertainment options, which ones should you pick?

“What’s Free Wednesday” is a weekly Fetchland feature spotlighting something great to read or watch available on one or more entertainment services. “Free” once you’ve paid for it, if you grok 🙂

Damages

Free on:

• Netflix

I binge watched Damages before House of Cards made binge watching a thing. That was because I didn’t hear about it until the show was only available either on DirectTV or iTunes. It gripped me so tightly I would download it on my iphone and watch it on the subway commute with headphones. Because I always use subtitles when I watch stuff, I made lots of friends with my Damages episodes on the train. The people sitting on either side of me couldn’t help themselves and read the subtitles over my shoulder. We watched the thrilling escapades and gasped together while a multitude of shocking events transpired on my tiny screen, a trio of strangers on the train. Damages, above all its many fine qualities, is one of those shows that just grabs you and doesn’t let go.

Damages was truly groundbreaking. It forged the pathway for women characters of substance and contradiction like Diane Lockhart on The Good Wife and Carrie Mathison on Homeland. This was thanks to the character Patty Hewes, the iconic cutthroat lawyer with an iron will and an empty cavern in her chest where a heart may have once beaten. Played by Glenn Close, Ms. Hewes terrifies all she encounters and for good reason; she mainly fights the monsters of our modern world, the Madoffs, the toxic waste creators, the mafia, and corporate malfeasance as a rule. Each season of the show is set on a single high stakes lawsuit and delves into perpetrator attempts to cover up the very same truths Patty is continually uncovering. But the real dirt flies on the sidelines in Patty’s life and those of her firm’s associates, especially Ellen played by Rose Byrne and Tom, Tate Donovan. There are just as many thrills in their private lives: murder, sex, drugs, bribery, and pretty much every other illicit act one can imagine.

All four* seasons enthrall equally with their non-linear storytelling that teases you at episode onset and pulls you into the thrill of the story. Amazing and complex characters make it all feel real. Not just Glenn Close as Patty Hewes but phenomenal actors such as Ted Danson, Lily Tomlin, Timothy Olyphant, Marcia Gay Harden, William Hurt, John Goodman and many more bring thrills, shame, and mischief to life in every second of the the action. It’s riveting stuff that reaches deep into what makes people tick – namely those seven sins you’ve heard so much about. Everybody has secrets and it’s all interwoven so expertly with legal cases “ripped from the headlines” that it feels familiar while still shocking and amazing at every plot turn. Most of the time you won’t know who to root for because everybody takes their turn at villainy and they’ve all got a sad story in their sack labeled “personal history.” You’ll feel lots of things for the characters, Patty Hewes most of all. Her smiles are malicious nails in the coffins of her enemies… and sometimes her closest allies.

Here’s a rundown of each season’s raison d’etre but please keep in mind that they are all smashing good times that will break your heart, force you to question your stance on various ethical issues, and all the while keep you glued to the screen:

1. Season one appears at first light to tell Bernie Madoff’s story until you notice that it aired before he was even caught. It’s more about insider trading and similar scumbaggery all wrapped up in a burrito of prostitutes and blow after a stunning amuse bouche of murder. Ted Danson stays with you long after the season is over as the unforgettable narcissistic douchebag, Arthur Frobisher.
2. Season two is about a corporation dumping toxic waste into lakes in the South and it’s so exceptional you’ll feel the same thrall and intensity you got watching movies like The Insider and Michael Clayton. William Hurt and Marcia Gay Harden compel and repel each other and the audience as labyrinthine characters skirting between secrets and lies at every twist of the spiraling plot.
3. Season three tackles the Madoff story, changing critical elements while retaining the resonant core of the tale’s stinging truth. Martin Short and Lily Tomlin turn the stomach and compel in their creepiness as two of those left behind when the Madoff character kills himself the night before he goes to prison. This season devastates in an entirely new way when a major character gets killed off and it turns out they were one of the ruined victims of Madoff’s machinations.
4. Season four enters the political sphere taking us to Afghanistan with a company called High Star, eerily reminiscent of Halliburton and war vets with issues up the wazoo. An exceptional John Goodman plays a CEO who fancies himself a terrorist eradicator and part time preacher, imparting the words of Jesus while he orders torture in tandem. Meanwhile the Damages regulars engage in fresh new transgressions and boundary breaches with such dramatic acumen we can’t help but forgive Rose Byrne for the horrendous bangs she sports all season.

* The first four seasons are thrilling and free on Netflix but if you want to see season five with the series finale you gotta shell out $25 on iTunes or amazon.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Hard Out There For a Pimp” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Hard Out There For a Pimp Johnny sets Gigi up with a boy her own age; Bam and Rehab come up with a new music genre.

Rehab and Bam, The Assassins bassist and drummer, open the episode by asking for a more even split of profits for the band – just like in U2, where each of the five members get 25%. Never even mind the math, nobody likes the idea based on the mere thought of all things being equal. Johnny challenges them to name the bass player and drummer of U2 and when they can’t the whole topic gets permanently dropped.

Then Gigi, Ava, and Johnny walk home late night dancing and Gigi’s complaining that Flash never goes out with them – he’s such a fossil who’s always tired after gigs. Johnny agrees. He wants her with a younger boyfriend. Also, he doesn’t want to hear blowjob stories about her and Flash either. She’s his daughter, remember?

Later the band’s talking to their manager before a gig and they see Jim, singer in a Normcore duo. Normcore means they dress like they’re headed to a mall in Ohio. Then in a bit while Gigi’s performing with The Assassins onstage Johnny tells the Jim he should ask Gigi out. For the sake of reverse psychology he then tells Gigi that Jim seems like a douche and his band sucks. Voila! His machinations are like rock n’ roll sorcery, just call him Johnny Machiavelli.

Meanwhile Rehab and Bam are inspired by the Normcore duo and decide to form their own band of two members. Why not? They’re not getting their fair share, they don’t even get to have real names, and nobody knows who they are. Looks like a clear case of nothing to lose. Rehab’s big idea for their duo it to just make noises with no lyrics – John Lee hooker meets Marlee Matlin. They’re inventing Beast Core music: driving bass, drums, gutteral grunts and groans, roars, camels, whales – a whole new genre of sound – a movement.

Flash then confronts Johnny accusing that he hooked Gigi up with that Normcore guy – he’s aware of the dastardly plan. Then he calls her for the 47th time and it turns out she is with Jim and they’re buying boring clothes together. They montage dating activities together, including blow which Jim snorts and Gigi ignores in lieu of looking in the line mirror. The next morning their manager warns them that Jim is a lot like Johnny. His Normcore band used to have four members but he slept with the other two’s girlfriends, he does too many drugs and drinks heavily, etc. Nobody believes how much they’re alike until Jim comes out of Gigi’s bedroom and reenacts the exact morning routine Johnny just did. Then everyone’s grossed out that Gigi just basically slept with a younger version of her Dad. Ew.

The miracle transition has finally happened for Johnny and he’s suddenly completely OK with Gigi and Flash as a couple – banging and all. It’s a happy ending for Rehab and Bam as well, their new duo got a standing ovation performing their brand new Beast Core music at the club – musta been those lemur mating calls in the second song.

This episode represents groundbreaking change for Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll because it’s a major emotional shift for Johnny into acceptance of Gigi’s relationship with Flash. Sure, he’s made changes before, even tattooing his asscheeks for the girl, but this one’s particularly deep and meaningful. It means the band’s not only even more a family now, but all the more screwed up too. If only they can get Bam and Rehab back to complete their dysfunctional circle of music… But it’s gonna be tough convincing them to return now that they’re finding some success on their own with Beast Core making animal sounds all over town.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “Superdad” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
Superdad. A magazine calls Jim a “superdad”, and Jeannie is happy for him.

Time Out New York magazine features Jim on the cover this week – calling him SUPERDAD! The article sings his praises without mentioning Jeannie’s name. Instead it names all five kids but merely mentions that Jim also lives with his wife, though it’s an article about parenting and Jeannie does 90% of the work. Still, Jeannie’s genuinely happy for Jim, beaming and looking through the article. She’s proud of him for making the cover. Jim’s BFF, Dave is more envious than proud, though. At Katz’s, their usual lunch spot, Dave tells Jim being a Dad makes him the “human equivalent of cargo shorts.” In other words, he’s mainstream, bland and boring stuff, whereas Dave’s clearly edgier with a more niche audience. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have someone from Radiohead buy you lunch?” Jim retorts.

At school curriculum night that evening the headmaster calls out Jim and Jeannie as stellar parents to the whole class – holding up the magazine as evidence. But the classroom teacher, Janeane Garafolo, lets Jim know she’s onto him. She knows what he’s up to, though Jim doesn’t seem to be aware of his crime and all signs seem to point to Jim mainly being up to having an extra snack or two… or fifteen. But at this school the fact that his snacks aren’t organic might just qualify as criminal.

That night after their standup set Dave and Jim unwind their rage on each other and have a sarcastic snarkfest of a fight outside the subway. They shout and accuse each other of being jealous, then each criticize elements of the other’s pathetic existence – cutting a bit too deep in both cases. Can their mutual love of smoked meats piled to the ceiling between slices of rye bread save this now tenuous friendship?

It’s Jeannie’s turn to get a little miffed the next morning when Father Nicholas completely absolves Jim of going to church and then has her take a picture of the two of them cheek to cheek. Church is her thing! She’s the one Jesus loves the most! Jeannie says nothing but her face speaks grandiloquently on her behalf. Then Daniel awaits the Gaffigans at their apartment where he reluctantly lets Jim know the 92nd St Y wants him to give a talk about parenting “because Uma has some movie to do or something.” But when Jeannie joins them Jim throws a curveball into the conversation and tells Jeannie the 92nd St Y actually wants HER to give the talk and then she lights up from her aforementioned funk – a woman with a mission – ready to roll.

Next thing Jeannie’s onstage at the 92nd St Y, looking amazing in front of a giant screen with Jim’s face on it. The host keeps showing clips of Jim doing standup to roars of audience applause and then asking Jeannie things like, “How did YOU snag Jim Gaffigan?” At first Jeannie can’t help but be honest and say that Jim’s actually not all that when it comes to parenting. But it keeps backfiring on her with audience disapproval until finally she succumbs to the Gaffigan groupthink brain wash and gushes about how he took out the trash that time. At last, Jeannie gets the audience on her side.

Meanwhile, backlit with the light shining from their respective TV sets, Jim and Dave make up nice like the good buddies they are over the phone – each horizontal in bed and late night snacking. Then Jeannie gets home from her 92nd St Y “talk” where nobody really wanted to hear what she had to say and finds Jim’s been in bed all night watching the game and drinking beer. No, he doesn’t know when the nanny left but he’s bereft about the Bugles snacks Jeannie promised and then neglected to buy for him – they really would have been great to eat during the game. Something inside Jeannie snaps just then and she rips up the Superdad copy of Time Out New York. When Jim hears her gutteral roar he comes running out of the bedroom, perhaps expecting a lion or gorilla from the sound of it. Jim sees his magazine cover in tatters littering the kitchen floor and Jeannie blames it on the kids.

Then Jeannie tells Jim she’s not jealous of how he has to get up in front of audiences all the time. That audience at the 92nd St Y turned on her, she explains, and she’s just not that needy of mass approval or into such roller coasters of emotion. Jeannie says she doesn’t even want to be on the cover of a magazine – it’s not real. But being a mom, that’s real stuff. Jim comforts Jeannie saying he knows she does everything and he’s a fraud – not really Superdad. After which Jim comforts their crying baby and even takes out the trash… but this time he locks himself out on the sidewalk in his undies. Just like in life, this is the best stuff about The Jim Gaffigan Show, the real stuff.

–Katherine Recap

Lots of Fetchland readers already subscribe to services like Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu Plus, or even Marvel Unlimited.

… Which begs the question: When you have access to an almost limitless plethora of entertainment options, which ones should you pick?

“What’s Free Wednesday” is a weekly Fetchland feature spotlighting something great to read or watch available on one or more entertainment services. “Free” once you’ve paid for it, if you grok 🙂

City of God

Free on:

• Amazon Prime
• Netflix

If you mention the movie City of God to someone who’s seen it they’ll likely grab your arm.

“Oh my God!” they’ll say and then clutch their heart, “Such a good movie!”

No matter when they saw it they remember how it struck them in the chest and left them breathless. It’s a small movie but so gripping, overwhelming, and real that it feels big budget. Set in the heart of a Rio you’ve never seen before, it’s got the familiar music and the bright colors but it’s also filled with dirt and gangs of young kids wielding guns.

Without being a horror movie, this movie still terrifies. It terrifies in a heartbreaking adrenaline rush portraying real-life events in the slums of Rio de Janeiro. It horrifies. It feels apocalyptic. The end is near due to all encompassing danger… Only the killer zombies in City of God are children. A

Lord of the Flies

feeling resonates throughout the movie as well because these ignored, neglected kids are running the slums.

City of God doesn’t just get its overwhelming feeling from the wild ride of kids waving guns around whimsically. It’s shot in a kaleidoscope of bright, thoughtful handheld camera work, up close and personal with all the color, passion, and grit of this particular part of Rio right in your face. The movie starts with a chicken chase through the narrow pathways, up and down stairs before landing on the narrator: Rocket. The movie is a thrilling race from there forward. The stories take us back and forth between time periods so that we see a “Tender Trio” of friends evolve from small fry soccer buddies into a triangle of opposite adults.

Each of them arises as naturally as leaves on a branch from their horrific home. First is Rocket: the shy, watchful innocent who always hides behind a camera. Then there’s beloved Benny, a party boy with an amazing girlfriend who plays best friend to virtually everybody in Rio. And lastly, there’s the terrifying Li’l Zé, who picked up a gun at age six and never stopped shooting. The three started out as friends at a simpler time in the 1960s when the slums were more peaceful; but the poverty, drugs, and crime that followed in the next few decades drive them down different paths, though beloved Benny does play mediator.

Just as there are three main characters, City of God intertwines a trilogy of stories. Each story feels more brutal and heartbreaking than the last until at last you can breath with the redemptive and hopeful ending that seems impossible and yet also completely true and believable. In fact, the most unbelievable thing about City of God is the fact that it’s based on a novel by Paul Lins, who grew up in the City of God. This one will catch you in its grasp from the beginning, so bring your beverages and snacks beforehand. You’re not gonna want to get up from the couch. The movie gets its claws in you and before you know it you’re enmeshed in this world you could never have imagined before and then it will stay with you forever.

–Katherine Recap