[For Scream Queens“The Final Girl(s)” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]
“The Final Girl(s)” Shocking confessions are made; the Red Devil is unmasked; the killer is revealed.
The finale of Scream Queens “The Final Girl(s)” comprises a giant, ridiculous but incredibly fun pretty girl sandwich. It’s hard to take the show seriously given all the screw ups (like Chanel’s injury in the previous episode) and silliness, so let’s not. It’s not a serious show. Scream Queens is more party than a story. There are wonderful things about this party; anybody can come (it’s on FOX and not a pay channel) and it’s packed with gorgeous peeps making wisecracks. That’s a fun show! Let’s just appreciate this and push aside the fact that most of the narrative made virtually no sense at all. Scream Queens doesn’t even take itself seriously and we could all learn a lesson from this level of lightening up. In the final episode Zayday makes a crack about how there were a few too many flippant racist jokes on the show just to remind us that getting offended wastes more energy than it’s worth – especially watching a show like this one.
The finale begins with Pete confessing to Grace that he’s a Red Devil but he’s only killed like eight to ten people while the Kappas and Chanels have killed over a hundred. Pete says he killed Roger… or maybe it was Dodger. He gets them messed up. Then Pete says he did it because two Red Devils cornered and forced him to join them or die. He quotes Nietzsche and says he killed Boone, who was the muscle of the operation and Gigi, who was the bitch. He tells a story of how Chanel humiliated him and thus he had to get revenge. Pete then says he did it all for Grace and they should run away together. Grace says he’s everything she’s been fighting against. But he adds that she has to stay with him so he can tell her who the other killer is – one of her sisters. Grace had been right all along the killer is Boone’s twin sister and the other baby from the bathtub.
Pete explains that he collected DNA samples from all the Kappas and found out who the killer is. Just as he’s about to name the Red Devil, she jumps out of his closet and kills him, stabbing him in the back and then attacking Grace too.
Soon after Dean Munsch enters her home to find it filled with lit candles and a come hither Wes stripped down to skivvies in her bed with a rose between his teeth. She’s totally thrilled, of course, and the fornication commences forthwith. Afterward they listen to Michael Bolton and Wes declares that it was the best sex of his life. She doesn’t take him seriously but he’s dead serious. Then he says maybe they were meant to be together and it’s unclear if it’s just the Bolton talking.
Meanwhile Grace and Zayday are checking the transcripts of the Chanels to find clues to the baby in the bathtub and they find one who must be the killer. Her social security number is 123-45-6789, her home address is Sesame Street, and she went to Sweet Valley High. They decide this is the bathtub baby girl and thus the killer. Grace and Z head out to confront her but it’s not clear yet to us which Chanel they’re talking about. Back at Kappa House they declare that the killer is Chanel No. 6, Hester. But then when they find her, Hester lays on the floor in a pool of blood with one of Chanel’s stiletto heels stabbed into in her eye socket. Hester then opens her other eye and points to Chanel No. 5 to shriek that she’s the killer.
In the next scene we fast forward into the future of Kappa. Here we see “The Final Girl(s)” Hester in a bedazzled eye patch – now the treasurer of Kappa. Grace and Zayday, who are clearly the leaders at Kappa now, introduce her to new pledges. She’s alive! Not only that, it turns out she was actually the killer all along. Through her voiceover we learn that Hester grew up in the asylum with Gigi and Boone and they all planned the revenge against Kappa long ago – twenty years of Red Devil strategizing. Hester was the brains of the operation, Boone the brawn, and Gigi the psycho with a dark side. But it’s pretty clear Hester is a psycho with a dark side too… after all, she did stab herself in the eye with a stiletto to get away with serial killing.
Hester has taken out all the Chanels at this point because somebody had to take all the blame for the Red Devil murders and it wasn’t going to be her, Hester explains. Then the scene shifts back to Kappa after the stiletto/eyeball incident and the Chanels discuss who the killer is, now presuming it can’t be Hester. During their talk she comes back with a recovering eyeball and excuses for everything, including paid actors playing her parents. Hester even convinced Chanel No. 5’s parents to disown her and say that a woman named Gigi gave her to them after a long stint in a mental institution. Totally believable – right? So, because Denise is the new Police Chief and just happens to be at Kappa right then, she’s ready to take Chanel No. 5 “downtown” for murder. But then Hester pipes in that Chanel No. 5 isn’t the only killer, Chanel No. 3 murders too. She points out that No 3 is Charles Manson’s daughter and regularly gets letters from him advising her to kill her sorority sisters. Hester also just happens to have a letter from No 3’s psychiatrist saying she has a split personality named Dirty Helen. No. 3 insists that she’s never been to a shrink but then Hester says it’s her split personality who goes and thus No. 3 remains unaware of her own Dirty Helen. Once Hester has everyone convinced of this weak logic it’s time to turn on Chanel No. 1 – Ms. Oberlin herself. We all know she’s an easy target after frying off the Kappa house cleaning lady’s face, throwing Hester down the stairs and threatening murder on a daily basis.
Thus Denise puts the three Chanels under arrest and a bunch of former male strippers collect them to the tune of the song Toy Soldiers as Denise declares that “You rich, dumb hos are goin’ dowwwwn towwwwn!” and points her finger in that direction. They’re denied bail and put away. After this hilarious scene Scream Queens carnks the comedy up even a notch further showing Chad and Denise finally ending their torrid long term affair. Denise has to end it not only to join the FBI but also because they’re just Chasing Waterfalls… and all the rest of that song too.
Dean Munsch writes a NY Times bestselling book called
- New New Feminism
but it turns out she didn’t really write it. Munsch had a ghost writer and still has trouble remembering what the book is about other than that women are basically just better than men. This makes for some comedic situations when she’s giving speeches and doing TV interviews about her highly controversial book.
Then we see Grace, Zayday, and Hester polish the memorial to all those who were killed by the Red Devil killer and it has a hilarious inscription thanks to Chad Radwell’s brilliant writing talent. His parents paid for it so he literally gets the last word on the Red Devil’s victims. Grace and Zayday walk away so Hester is all alone at the memorial when Dean Munsch approaches. She tells Hester she knows she was the killer. Munsch says she would never forget that baby in the bathtub’s face. Hester says everyone got what they wanted in the end and the Chanels should have to pay because they’ve hurt so many people. Then the Dean declares that she’s going to turn Hester in. But Hester retorts that she’ll just turn the Dean in too; for covering up her mother’s death and killing her ex husband. Therefore the Dean backtracks and becomes easy breezy all of a sudden. She says, oh OK that’s cool. I guess we’ll forget this convo ever happened. Bye now. So, it’s settled.
In the end Wes and Dean Munsch are happy together and off on vacation in Napa. The Chanels were found guilty on all 47 counts and are sent to an asylum. Their judge says they have no regard for anyone but themselves and are, rude, narcissistic, and completely insane. The asylum is, of course, the same one where Hester was raised. All three made themselves at home and found happiness at the institution. There is no judgement, no popularity contest, and no reason to starve themselves anymore. The Chanels finally has a chance to eat. Then in the final moment of the finale Chanel No. 1 tucks herself happily into bed when she hears a metallic clang and pulls the covers up to her chin. It’s probably nothing…. but no. It’s not nothing. It’s the Red Devil and he’s holding a large knife over Chanel, ready to kill her.
Scream Queens was a fun but ridiculous ride. Meant more for the teenaged viewer, perhaps than a fossilized bag of crones such a fetchland.com. But there were many laughs despite the lack of continuity, gaping narrative holes, a lack of logical sense. We had fun, dammit! It was a great party and beautiful to boot. The jokes were plentiful and they used music skillfully, which is a lot to say for a teenager-focused show. It’s unclear if we’ll see a Scream Queens season two, especially given that this season was abbreviated by several episodes late in the game. But if the show does return, perhaps it will be refined from lessons learned in season one… or maybe it’ll remain like the teenagers it speaks to and portrays. Either way, we applaud you, Scream Queens for making us laugh even when we wanted to throttle you for not making sense.