[For American Horror Story – Hotel “She Wants Revenge” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]
She Wants Revenge The Countess is reunited with her one true love; Donovan and Ramona take another stab at revenge.
American Horror Story shifts back to the Hotel Cortez and The Countess. She begins the episode poised at the entrance to the wing where Valentino was trapped all those years and says it’s time to construct something new and durable – steel and iron. The Countess starts this process by marrying Will Drake so she can finance the project with his money. Drake wants a flamboyant wedding while she wants simple and intimate – so small wedding it is. But her formerly loyal minion, Elizabeth Taylor, won’t help at all – still bitter that The Countess killed the love of her life. She says, “Buy your own damn flowers!” Then The countess drives to a motel for a rendezvous with Valentino. But before anything happens between them the scene shifts back to her at the Hotel Cortez with Donovan again now, screwing in only strategically placed sequin stars. She promises to love only Donovan… but mentions she’s getting married Wednesday. He gets a cranky look until she adds that she’ll be a rich widow on Thursday. Then they talk about making a fresh start and cleaning house, agreeing to make a list of all the people to “remove” ie; kill.
Then Iris stabs guests when Donovan walks in and flatters her that she’s certainly “come into her own” lately. Iris says she fears The Countess will figure out they’re in cahoots with Ramona to take her down and he says don’t worry. Donovan’s got The Countess right where he wants her, he claims. To this Iris knowingly asks if he’s hung up on The Countess again and Dononvan insists he’s in control.
Next it’s Wednesday and wedding time. Will Drake talks to his son about how The Countess is the one for him. But then Ms. Evers interrupts his delusions to warn Will that he shouldn’t marry her – it whall be his destruction. Turns out Ms. Evers feels like The Countess stole James March from her and never got over it. Meanwhile The Countess is pissed at March for what he did to her beloved Valentino – locking him away all those years. Now she’s turning the wing where he was kept into a vault-like chamber for her to hide within and watch the all hotel happenings with strategically placed video cameras. This is where she will live with her beloved Valentino by her side – that’s living the dream for The Countess.
Donovan brings a young stud to Ramona as a peace offering. He tells her they have to get rid of The Countess tonight. He’s already drugged her and she’s marrying Drake tomorrow so she’s certain to be distracted. They drain the young stud’s blood and talk about heartbreak and loneliness, despair… So, living in Los Angeles, basically. Ramona tells him how her last twenty years in LA passed like nothing happened. She was caring for her parents and not handling their deterioration particularly well. Turns out vampirism didn’t cure her father’s dementia. But Ramona is over all that now and and focused on how The Countess killed her lover. After telling him the story she and Donovan drink the young stud’s blood and toast to vengeance on the Countess.
Then we see Alex parked outside a house with a pizza delivery car out front. Inside she finds a pile of bloody corpses and that kid Max she “saved” with the virus along with all his vampire buddies. Alex tells them if they keep up their careless murderous ways they’re going to get caught. She suggests they all go to the Hotel Cortez where there are people like them who can help. But the kids are like hell no, that’s the last thing we need is for adults to tell us what to do. They have a point. It would really make the whole killing-their-parents thing moot.
Next Ramona and Donovan sneak up on The Countess while she’s sleeping. Ramona holds a big knife over her, all ready to get stabby, but it’s a setup. The Countess hisses at her, Donovan tazes Ramona’s neck and once again – she’s betrayed. Iris was right about Donovan, of course. A mother always knows. He’s too much of sucker for the love of the Countess. They lock Ramona into one of the iron cages.
The Countess and Valentino have breakfast and turns out Natascha has been out shopping all this time, thanks to The Countess’s black card. She wants Valentino all to herself and for them to turn the Hotel into a fortress against the modern world. It’s all part of her plan to recreate the love they had all those years ago when she was allegedly happy and in love. But then Natascha returns laden with shopping bags and The Countess changes her tune. She says Natascha has to come over tonight for girls fashion night and Valentino isn’t invited. Natascha’s imminent demise seems just around the corner at the Hotel Cortez – but at least she’ll be wearing the latest couture.
At the Will Drake and Countess wedding Elizabeth Taylor objects but can’t conjure a better reason than just because the bride’s a bitch, basically. The Countess says please ignore Liz, she drinks but the law requires a witness. Now that they’re married March visits Drake at the bar before taking him upstairs to “show him something.” There he introduces Will to The Countess’s monster child. Of course Will Drake, who cares deeply about aesthetics and little else insults the heinous creature. Then The (outraged) Countess knocks him upside the head. He wakes up in the cage room with Ramona still in the pink iron cage. The blue one stands open, awaiting Drake’s hot bod. Not knowing any better, Will frees her from the iron bars and then Ramona thanks him by feeding on his gorgeous face and neck. Ms. Evers stands over the bloody spectacle with arms folded and an I-told-you-so look on her face. All the while The Countess watches on remote video in her newly constructed vault-like chamber.
She’s been the most powerful force at the Hotel Cortez all along and seemingly remains unstoppable. So, what would a happy ending look like for American Horror Story – Hotel? Is it for The Countess to get her heart’s desire and spend the rest of her days with Valentino in a vault while the hotel continues on below, killing, torturing, and enveloping hostage after hostage? Or will John Lowe kill everyone, including The Countess? Then maybe Alex will become the new Countess and John the replacement James March as the Hotel sashays forth into a new era of deadly debauchery. Either way, it’s sure to be a glamorous, blood- soaked ride.