Posted by Katherine Recap | "Reality" Competition, Hollywood, TV

There are two different experiences, both called “Big Brother”.

One is the television show Big Brother, as the CBS producers present it to broadcast tv audiences, three times per week. But the other is what is actually going on in the Big Brother house; the experience of the house guests, unfiltered — or at least less filtered — by television editors.

Fetchland presents Ruining Big Brother. It’s less “spoiling” Big Brother and more pulling back the curtain, to ruin our collective illusions about reality television. Enjoy! Or better yet, recoil in horror

Daily BB House Stats:
HOH – Nicole
HOH Nominated – Jozea, Paulie
Roadkill Comp Winner – Frank
RK Nominated – Bridgette
Veto Winner – Paul

Have-Nots – currently none
Punishment Status – Bridgette, Frank, Michelle, Paulie wear nudie pixel suits

Team Unicorn is safe for first 2 evictions
Corey, Tiffany are safe for 2nd eviction

Team Big Sister: Da’vonne, Paul, Zakiyah, Jozea
Team Category 4: Frank, Michelle, Paulie, Bridgette
Team Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany
Team Unicorn: James, Natalie, Victor, Bronte

It was a real slow night in the BB house with a tiny “talk show” from Paul and Jozea around two am that still counts as a refreshing break from a long day of vitriolic rants. The duo did this just for the feedsters and in the funniest part Jozea spells out his Instagram handle for us nice-and-slow only to have the camera man switch abruptly off him before he finishes. It flips to Paulie and Bridgette chatting about nothing before it a return to Jozea. Now Jozea gives makeup advice about how to remove lipstick stains and put on foundation, etc. …until Paul joins him and with a topic shift to beard advice. But the real talk starts after. They ask each other hypotheticals about situations like cheating, saving lives, and what would you do with a million bucks? That part’s fun getting to know Paul because he’s pretty likable and cool. Then the pair get confused because it seems like the camera on them stops filming. Paul responds to Jozea’s reprimands about swearing too much by saying, “I thought it was anything goes on the feeds, like you can show your dong and shit”. Bet that would turn the camera back on you, Paul!


Surreptitious sleeping Tiffany-style

There’s a strict BB House rule No Sleeping Outside The Bedrooms! Which is why cage-matchers who know the system (like Tiff) pull off the sunglass trick, pictured here. You can get away with a serious nap behind the facade of a semi-slouch and a big enough pair of shades. Why does this matter? FOMO, baby. Fear-of-missing-out is never been more significant than in the Big Brother house. Countless houseguests in the days of yore have missed out on their own imminent demise simply by napping out of earshot while the diabolical machinations rolled on in their absence. You gotta stay present, even if you’re secretly asleep the whole time. Nobody’s gonna plan your eviction while sitting right next to you.


The next Mario Lopez can’t read a room

Awkwardness ensued time after time on June 27th. Zakiyah worked as a gorgeous and unassuming secret double agent/messenger between teams. None are the wiser among the newbies. She’d sit with them and pick up tons of toys and soil in their newbie brand sandbox of gossip then slip inside to the HOH room and spill all the dirt she’d collected to the 8Pack. One such time Zak made this trip she was unaware that Jozea traipsed along right behind her in his doggie suit to then create a massive abyss of silence upon entering HOH. As you can see in the picture, Mama Day, on the bed, is the closest person to him with everyone else as far away on the other side of the room as possible. Body language speaks volumes, Jozea and all you have to do is look around a bit to see how these people feel about you. But, sadly it seems Jozea is illiterate when it comes to body language. He still believes he’s the most beloved cage-matcher ever. After all, Jozea IS the future Mario Lopez… yes, he’s said that too. Right after Jozea hosts the next Grammys he’ll be forced to endure the trials and tribulations of his future fame-soaked life as the next Mario Lopez. We wish you well whatever happens, Jozea because you entertain us and that’s the greatest gift of all.


Paul and Bronte’s leg

Meanwhile Paul can’t keep his hands off Bronte. Whenever he’s near Bronte he’s got a hand on her. Bronte insists that she’s not interested in Paul but never says anything about his roaming hands. In our book, that’s called encouragement. There are lots of other pseudo-showmances in the house so this is kinda nothing on its face but we just wish Bronte would get real with Paul about it. Corey and Nicole have a certain attraction (maybe one-sided) as do Paulie and Zakiyah (NOT one-sided), along with the uber-obvious Natalie and Victor pairing. But these duos are more honest about this stuff than Bronte. One thing Wifey Spy needs to know, the longer you lead someone on, the fiercer the fire of their wrath when you finally get honest about it. Or maybe it’s the other cage-matchers or herself she’s not being honest with. Either way, the truth is likely to come out soon because these houseguests have NOTHING but time and each other. In other words, there’s a lot of leg-fondling in Wifey Spy’s future.

Favorite Fetchland quote of the day – Nicole to Michelle: Do they literally think Jozea’s sane?

BB Postcript – Another thing we learned today was that there’s a phone in HOH that you can use to call the London phone booth in the British-theme bedroom. Have some fun with phone calls cage-matchers!

– Katherine Recap


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