Thorns/Drain
Posted by Michael Flores | TV

[For The Bastard Executioner‘s “Thorns/Drain” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Thorns/Drain Wilkin and Toran get a new timeline for their revenge and a surprising ally visits Lady Love.

All this stuff happens before opening credits roll for “Thorns/Drain” …

Wilkin wakes up to [fake] wife Jessamy basically staring at him asleep. “You are lovely when you sleep,” she declares creepily. The pair disagree about whether son Luca will end up a punisher like dear old dad (and now fake dear old dad).

The reeve brings a proclamation to Vampire Bill’s room to post. He doesn’t want to be disturbed but is admonished that the proclamation came overnight, and from the king himself. Out comes one of the twins, then a heretofore unseen little person, then after a moment the other twin… bearing a wooden cage filled with squirming rats. “It is best left to the imagination,” says Vampire Bill. Ew.

The proclamation, posted by deadly priest Father Ruskin, tells the world that Love is pregnant with the heir to Ventrishire (you know, what she spent the last two episodes convincing her enemies of [that is also not true])

In the wilderness caves, Annora is at work… Until a strange thorn emerges from her hand, as if by magic. Confirming something that has never really been addressed head-on on The Bastard Executioner, Annora’s wound, presumably overtly evocative of the stigmata, heals almost instantaneously.

Wilkin and Toran leave the castle with a cache of stolen weapons earmarked for the Wolf; remember in “Effigy/Ddelw” Wilkin cost the Wolf some supplies that he is meant to replace? Unfortunately, the weapons rattle in an obvious way, alerting a knight who volunteered to help get Wilkin and Toran where they are going. It seems Wilkin is beloved of the castle folks, as the knight says [he gives] “more delight than the whores and the minstrel.”

The knight goes to check on their wagon, discovers the illicitly procured weapons… And is immediately murdered by Wilkin.

And then the opening credits roll.

Pro:
That guy probably killed someone Wilkin and Toran love.

Con:
Since another knight saw this one ride off with them, there is almost nothing that can be done. Wilkin and Toran resolve to free their friends (and Wilkin’s fake family), take what limited revenge they can, and get the hell out of dodge Ventrishire.

Wilkin and Toran meet up with the Wolf to deliver the weapons and negotiate a place to hide for after they quit the castle. The Wolf says they are very brave, etc. etc. but before anyone can pat himself on the back too much Wilkin forces the Wolf to promise not to hurt Love. He is specifically citing that Love was attacked on the road before, but she shouldn’t be a target. “No prob bro,” says the Wolf. “I will not attack the Baroness.”

… Cut to Isabel and Love being thrown in sacks and captured.

Cut to commercial.

Of course!

Unreal truth bomb: The Wolf and Love are brother and sister! The Wolf is an illegitimate bastard son of the former ruling Baron’s mistresses. They grew up together and seem to get along quite well [She repeatedly calls him “Griffy”].

“An independent Wales is my wish as well,” says Love. So the Wolf gets Love to fund his revolution. Love will bust into the castle crypts and give the Wolf something expensive, which he can use to pay / feed soldiers or whatever.

Back at the castle Wilkin is having no luck penetrating the mind of fake wife Jessamy Maddox. She is 100% all-in on Wilkin actually being Gawain Maddox and doesn’t want to flee in the middle of the night. Little Luca Maddox knows what’s what and is more worried that Wilkin won’t be his dad any more if they flee Castle Ventris. In a particularly touching moment, Wilkin assures Luca that even though he will never truly be his dad, he will never leave him.

Annora meets up with Ventrishire’s deadly Priest (remember his being a badass back in “Effigy/Ddelw”); she presents him a handful of thorns and says that evil is coming to Ventrishire; he is incredulous at first but then Annora pops a new thorn out of her breast… Which once again magically heals instantly. Good enough! Father Ruskin is on board.

Speaking of evil, the Archdeacon of Windsor arrives, looking for Seraphim to torture. Evil it is! Father Ruskin is on alert.

Elsewhere in the castle, Wilkin and Toran are figuring out how to get out; only they aren’t. Jessamy has betrayed Wilkin to Vampire Bill, which sets up the most interesting truth bomb sequence in The Bastard Executioner history (and this is in context of an episode that just revealed that the rebel leader is the Baroness’s illegitimate brother and that she is going to fund the revolution).

Vampire Bill lays all the cards out on the table. He knows who they all are. He knew “Wilkin the warrior” long before “Wilkin the barley farmer”. He is in need of loyal soldiers and will barter to make Wilkin and his friends into loyal soldiers. Vampire Bill hands them that other knight. Assuring both that he was one of the ones who burned down their village and murdered people they love — and is the only witness to their riding off with a knight they killed — Vampire Bill essentially gives them the guy to torture, get their revenge rocks off, etc.

I need smart and capable men who will serve me beyond the boundaries of manor law.

Essentially Vampire Bill hands our protagonists a measure of vengeance, but explicitly instructs them to leave the rest of the knights and nobles who might have been at the village burning a pass. This is despite his assurances that most of the knights are “soldiers of fortune” driven by profit, not trustworthy, and not ultimately worthy of his time.

An exceptionally long episode — over an hour and a half — winds down with no decrease in density:

  • Love gives the Wolf an ancient pearls-encrusted bauble to help fund his revolution. The Baroness and the bandit are officially partners in crime!
  • Toran tortures the knight into a bloody mess, deliberately driving himself to a kind of peace in madness. All their other bros (including a similarly crazy-eyed Ash) look on in horror but let him go about his business. Toran gets many names out of the mutilated knight before Wilkin puts him out of his misery.
  • The Dark Mute opens up an ancient closet and reveals his working gear from presumably another time: a knight’s armor and weapons, all marked with the red cross.
  • Wilkin and Love share a final scene (again) where he basically cries on her shoulder and she tells him what a great guy he is. You can almost see the gears turning in Love’s head (well I do need to get a baby inside me sooner rather than later and this guy is pleasant enough…)

We learn that — for want of a better word — magic is real and meaningful in the universe of The Bastard Executioner. This isn’t just herbs or proto-science. We don’t know how powerful Annora is quite yet, but she was able to heal the thorn wounds instantly, and sway the Priest to her side.

The Archdeacon of Windsor is in Ventrishire; and probably ultimately on the hunt for Annora.

Vampire Bill speaks openly about what he knows, and what he is ultimately going to expect from his new “soliders”

Toran, at least, gets some of the information that he has wanted since the Pilot. Whether he can act on it given Vampire Bill’s vantage point is another question entirely.

And yes, Jessamy Maddox is assuredly off her rocker. As loving and devoted to Wilkin Luca is, his mother may prove to be a problem, and has already betrayed her so-called-husband to the enemy at least once now.

Still soul-crushing throughout, though.

LOVE
MIKE

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